Wednesday, December 31st, 2003

Subject:happy birthday, calendar
Time:6:13 pm.
a little danwho wellwisher
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 24th, 2003

Subject:The Bible According to Farrelly, with Seinfeld connections
Time:4:48 am.
Music:death cab.
I was at my friend david's house and I asked my friend Joey what he was doing later tonight..and he said lets see a movie, i want to see Stuck On You, the new Farrelly Brother's film, and I said ok, i'll see that, im gonna go eat dinner, call me when you are going. A few hours later, while chomping on a microwaveable corndog, their was no dinner at home after all, I recieved a call from Joey...Stuck On You at 8:10, its 7:50 now, I better finish that corndog and get moving...

Another call rings through on my drive to the theatre, a trip that was slowly delayed by an accident, one of the participants of which i think was big Al Santos, don't quote me, but im pretty sure he was being questioned by cops....The second call was from David at the theatre, the bustle of people in the background, he inquires where I was, and i told him I was 2 minutes away, in fact it turns out i was only about 1 minute away, but i wasn't aware that I would hit the lights in stride....He said that they were going in, that they would save a seat, and that they'd you know, look for me, and hoot and holler, so i'd find them...[sidenote: i knew that they would neither hoot nor holler and doubted that I would find them, should I arrive after the house lights were turned down].

I was correct in my assumption. I arrived during the first preview, just as the attendent closed the door and lights had gone off...I walked around the theater looking for my friends but no familiar silhouettes met my eyes...I stood in the back of the theatre leaning up a against the wall, missing all the good previews, squinting in the darkness, noncahalantly, as not to cause a george costanza-esque scene, waiting for when the actors on screen were wearing white or staring at the sun or in a blizzard so that the screen would get bright enough for me to scan the crowd...

well, i obviously couldnt find them, so when the movie started i took a seat by myself, ive sat by myself before, surely i'll find them after the movie and we'll all have a nice throaty chuckle and then hold hands and dance...the movie ended and they most definitely were not in the theatre, so i saw Gary Smith and friends and while talking about the movie, explained and that i had misplaced my friends, so as to not look like that guy who goes to the movies alone...which i dont know why it is so embarrassing to be, but it is.

Well all that was preface to the real point of this update, my take on Stuck On You and the Farrelly Brothers. I really don't like review posts, not to bash those who do them and do them quite well, but thats why chances are this will be more of a ramble than a review a la normal danwho style... well i dont know where im going with this...

review more like ramble-city

Anyway, I went into the movie having seen the commercials, with a mixed feeling. There was a point in my life when I would have believed the Farrelly Brothers infallible, gods among men, but that time has passed. I guess i better explain, and to best do this, we are going to start at the beginning....

The Farrelly story begins when they wrote "The Virgin" episode of Seinfeld in 1990...a little buzz on their writing chops was created, they bang out a screwball comedy screenplay for the ages, catch a break, cast an up and coming comedy genius by the name of Carey, and contract a dramatic actor looking to show his comedic range, named Daniels...and one of the all-time greatest dumb humor comedies is born circa 1994 in Dumb & Dumber .

Nineteen Ninety-Six brought Kingpin, not the outstanding masterpiece that was D & D, but overall an underrated comedy, can't fault the Bros for hitting a small lull after such a huge running start...Bill Murray was great, Woody Harrelson was ok, but what can you really expect with Dennis Quaid's less talented older brother, Randy as the star, I mean Randy was in Caddyshack 2 for matter how many other things he has done, even if he wins an oscar, he will have always done Caddyshack 2, that goes equal for you too Dan Akroyd and Jonathan Silverman...

theres something about semenTwo more years and Something about Mary exploded into box offices by shocking and aweing audiences into fits of laughter. The dumb humor comedy was back and now was more than a mainstream big hit. It made Cameron Diaz and Ben Stiller household names... It made Splooge in hair a pop-culutre phenomenon. Included is one of the best cameos ever, by Brett Favre, and i don't get excited by cameos. Alright so these two are infallible. They make a few damn fine films, and I'm sure they are just chock to the brim full of more great ideas...right?

Then they wrote and produced Outside Providence, which put me to sleep, but hey no problem, they didnt direct, not their fault that Shawn Hatosy and Alec Baldwin couldnt save that picture, if the director's vision wasnt what the Farrellys had in mind when they wrote it, even thought they did produce it, its not like they had no input...ok calm

The Brothers' Farrelly returned to writing, producing and directing by calling up an old buddy named Jim, asking him to almost recreate his "In Living Color" fire marshall character, for the out of control persona in the multiple personality film Me, Myself and Irene. Well guys, Let Me Show YOU Something! this is about the time when the numbness set in....I mean some people liked this film, I was not one of those people. I went in with such high hopes that it was ruined for me. It's a good idea, but I felt it was trying a little too hard to recreate the aura of the previous films....and except for a few funny scenes, which i can't even recall now, but im sure were there, i wasnt very excited to pay attention and wasnt really laughing...

Im not going to bother with the producing of Say It Isn't So, but Chris Klein, really? softly spoken deep voiced overacting? come on now...

Next is Osmosis Jones, which for it's goal, is very underrated. Its by no means a dumb humor Farrelly classic, but this animated/live action movie about the body's immune system is funny in a kids movie sort of way and educational to boot. Peter and Bobby produced and directed it, but did not write it. Starring Bill Murray, who is always terriffic even in crap like Larger Than Life (the one about the elephant), and the voices of Chris Rock, Lawrence Fishburne and David Hyde Pierce.

Shallow Hal, o shallow hal, When i saw that Jack Black was in a Farrelly Brother's movie, i was off the walls excited, this is the one, this is where they cement their genious, and no one can ever question if they just struck gold twice and are done. A good idea, a great concept, gwyneth paltrow in a fat suit, jack black is superficial, Jason Alexander is the closest thing to George that he's been in a long time...remember that CO-stanzabob patterson sitcom, crap...

The Hal character, not funny, nothing was funny about him, he was acting the straight man half the film, the Zeppo Marx of this picture. Jack Black has too much talent to be wasted like that. Costanza, was well just that, again not Costanza and it just comes off as insulting, we know him too well as George and won't be tricked into believing him in another sucks that he must be typecast, and I sure hope he doesnt ruin the upcoming Tony Kornheiser sitcom...I was really let down by Shallow Hal. It was another cheesy comedy, and the cinematic landscape is already awash in the same crap, without the Farrelly bros contributing, no less no longer saving us once in a while by providing a gross out laugh, or moron on screen that we can feel smarter than.

They wrote Dumb and Dumberer, but had nothing to do with its production or direction, now i havent seen it, but i wasnt in any rush to...I bet when they couldn't get Jim Carey or Jeff Daniels back they washed their hands of the project and moved on, but the money hungry savages in the studio said we've got the script, lets recast younger and not waste a possible chance to make a buck...thats just my opinion and it seems familiar, so either i've heard that somewhere or i'm so sure in my logic that it seems like it must have happened.

so then the rabbi says to the baby, this foreskin is stuck on youWow thats a long update without even getting to my take on the current film, that i claimed i was going to review....Well I was at the point before seeing this film, that the Farrelly's were not infallible, that they werent getting me excited anymore, but that they were still worth seeing. With low expectations but just a glimmer of hopeful anticipation i went to see Stuck On You.

I will say that I liked it, I will say that...but only because i went in with exceptionally low expectations...but i wont say that i laughed out loud, I won't say that...I also won't say that I think the Farrelly's are hysterical geniouses either. Bobby and Peter are comedy makers...They are not uniquely original, or nonstop laugh funny...At least not anymore....This movie is chock full of cameos, one of the greater evils of filmmaking in my eyes. Or big stars in insultingly small roles, kinda like extended cameos, or professional favors...As a kid, i liked cameos, oooh thats exciting, look kids, there's Dolphins Running Back, Ricky Williams! Until i realized how trite and hackneyed they are. The story-point contrast and strong through line are professional, the cameos show the success and connections these two industry veterans have created. But what sets it apart from the crowd? If you are expecting to be rolling on the floor laughing, Dont'. The Farrellys are tapped.

I have also noticed that a lot of the secondary characters and extras are of the physically handicapped persuasion, and this has been a theme in several other of their films, and I think that it's probably more of a stand-up move on their part, probably being friends with some special people, and breaking barriers by putting their friends and aquaintances in their movies is a good thing. However, i think some people find this comical...When it IS meant to be funny, in that the lines they say are funny, but it shouldnt be funny at the physcially challenged person's expense. Not that i'm that concerned with making fun of retarded people, it doesn't especially bother me, but I am especially concerned when people misread a joke...What i'm saying is i think that even though it is an irrverent comedy, and most everything is at the mercy of the punchline, i don't think they are casting the disabled as a joke, and it makes me uncomfortable when people laugh before the actor says his line, just because he is drooling a bit.

Stuck On You is once again a good idea, a funny concept...twins conjoined! living their lives! playing sports! rediculous! but the jokes get old and fast...It was only mildly humorous when the movie cuts to a clip of the pair playing hockey, and when they play football it was pushing the limits, but now baseball...ok but that better be the last one...GOLF! come on, no no wait hang on..TENNIS! damnit that joke is neither predictable or annoying good job guys. And the trailers really do rip most of the funnier moments right out of the film.

Well it wasn't a bad movie, as far as subpar comedies go. Going in I said that if this movie failed the test, that I would no longer look forward to the next Farrelly Brother's film any more than the new John Woo action crap movie...but I found out their next project in early production is The Three Stooges, damn those guys, I am legally obligated to look forward to that...they always have good ideas to build up the hype, so it will never matter if the movies aren't as good as some of their best work, as long as the asses are in the seats...and asses are in the seats...its a sick world we live in.

I had planned to do that so much better, concise and clever, but it came out verbose and rambling.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

Time:3:58 am.
Well im done with finals, you care, i'm telling you, i almost slept through my final today though, thank Karthik for waking me up fifteen minutes up before the test...otherwise i would have been screwed. And I was groggy and unshowered, three days of unshoweredness cuz I stayed up for the 2 days previous and hadnt changed...and the test starts in 15 minutes and i have to go one way to Market One Eatery to drop off my 27 pages of philosophy gold to my professor before my exam, and then get across campus to ISAT for my exam. In fifteen minutes, and damnit if I didn't do it perfect and I might add with grace and style.

i hope I'm Scott Wolf nextThe reason I didn't wake up is because, I have problems with sleep. I am something entirely different alltogether. I can't control the turning off of the alarm clock when I'm sleeping, I may even seem awake, you might be talking to me, but I often have no clue where I am, and who I am. This morning I thought that I was Neve Campbell. I was dreaming that I was the former Party of Five star and I was on a talk show explaining why I had taken a hiatus from acting for a while and explaining my comeback.

Neve was on the cover of the new FHM, i picked up from my mailbox the day before, part of my free 2 year subscription, one of many, thanks smitty. I had leafed through it, but hadn't ever reached the Neve Campbell section, I stopped after laughing at Tracy Morgan's interview and risquee photo. I'm not sure how I knew she was on the comeback trail, but when I woke up I really still thought I was Miss Campbell and what was I being woken up for, I can sleep when I want, I don't have tests damnit.

Funny you should ask, but no this is not new for me. In my early youth, hell maybe I was ten, the timeframe isnt that important, I would often fall asleep while being able to hear the somewhat scary music from Sherlock Holmes on A&E that my dad would be watching. I don't know if it's because of the music, or because I had watched an episode where a man was beaten and killed by being beaten with a rock in the soft part of the bottom of the back of the skull, where it meets the neck and I was scared because I considered that area dangerously unprotected and soft on my head. But I often got nightmares where I would wake up and walk around, but was still so asleep that I wouldn't listen to reason. I was so in fear of my life, or going to jail for something, that i would try to run away or hide and it would take my dad hours of slowly waking me back into sanity while watching latenight re-runs of Sanford and Son. I wouldn't remember very much the next day.

One particular time that for some reason stuck in my head, was that one night I was asleep and I had a crazy night terror thing where I thought that I had killed someone and that the gun used in the murder was still in my possession. I got out of bed terrified and threw the nothing that was in my hand into the closet and buried it under some toys and clothes, and then ran out of the room in a panic. I was so convinced that I was holding a gun that I actually tried to hide it from the authorities that weren't en route to arrest me. I had these terrors probably every night for months at a time, they'd sometimes come and go, I haven't had one since I was little, but I sometimes, while awake I can hear and can sense something in my head, a confusion where everything people say sounds like yelling, or with a tinge of anger in their inflection...this was a vivid part of the old terrors.

If not for this experience, I would think that that guy who killed his wife when he was sleep walking and claimed he had no clue was full of shit...remember that guy, what a nutjob...well if that isnt the nutjob calling the nutjob a nutjob.

im not joking, i be crazy, what is wrong with me?
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Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

Subject:Virginia Eathquake
Time:5:45 pm.
quakesAt about 3:59 today Virginia had an earthquake....Woo...roughly 70 miles from JMU, the shaking caught everyone off guard. It measured a 4.5 on the Richter scale. It was the biggest in this area since a 5.8 that occurred in Giles county in May 1897. The epicenter was 15 miles south of Colombia, VA in northern Powhatan county. So its exciting to be part of history, 1897 is kind of a long time ago. And by exciting, i mean I didn't feel anything and damage isn't devastating, but hey, whatever, great, earthquakes. Heres more info...

i'm hearing stories of people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, freaked out by the no doubt biblical wrath, caused by those impure thoughts they've had about their eight year old niece. But now we're just hanging out waiting for aftershocks, hoping for the chance for some looting while getting high on broken gas main fumes. And the Dow Jones hit 10,000 today, tell me something doesn't smells like apocalypse...

I didnt sleep last night and but did make it to my 8am final, but i might have well as not been there, simply terrible...So then during the time between my first and second final from about 8:45 to 1:30, I tried to stay awake...i really did but i fell asleep but with the alarm set. And of course, I slept through the alarm and got up half an hour late for my exam, i might have missed it completely if Karthik hadn't woke me up. But i think i did well nonetheless.

I added a new Garfield comic and reworked all of the old ones so that they are easier to read.
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Time:4:29 am.
i consider you guys my friends, Im not wrong am II've been doing my best Anthony Michael Hall pen in the mouth impression for the past hour or so, and I thought i'd take a break from not studying to tell you about it. As many young adults are, I'm neck deep in the placenta from this semester's new baby-doll, the parents are calling the little fella Finals. I've decide not to sleep tonight, as I have an exam at 8am, and couldnt afford to go to bed early, for several reasons...the of course most obvious reason is that I need this valuable time before my two exams tommorow to be studying, but also I slept until after 3 today, and am on a very bad schedule, so short of Overdosing on Nyquil i wouldnt have been able to sleep tonight before 3am. and i'm not about to try to get only 4-4 and half hours of sleep when I have something important to get up for.

This has never worked out well, last year before my speech for gcom that she warned us we could not miss, lest we would fail the class for the semester, i stayed up till 3 hours before class perfecting my speech, and decided to get a few winks before class, and then just never got up. I sleep through anything, i had alarms set and notes posted all around my room that this was important that I wake up, and I just slept through it. I woke up in a frenzy a few hours after my class and asked my roomate to break my arm, thinking that the only way out of this mess was to be in the hospital. My roomate readily agreed, i mean how often to you get the opportunity to take out your frustrations on a willing subject? Before he got started, i called my mother, to ask if she thought that my admittal time to the hospital would come up later when I tried to use my injury to weasel out of my F, which would catch me in a lie, with a broken arm and a failing grade anyway. She put the kibosh on the whole arm breaking frenzy, much to my roomate's chagrin I'm sure...and yes i got the F, the first of many, now F's are old-hat.

Anyway the moral of the story is that I don't trust myself to get up for anything important unless i get at least 6 hours of sleep and even then its a gamble....I crave sleep like heroin, in as much as I steal money from my mother's purse in order to get my hands on some sweet sweet shut-eye, and then i inject the Z's in between my i'm staying up, like i stayed up for several days at a time on a regular basis, during last year. Sleep-deprivation can be a crazy good time. Walking around in a haze, with blurry red eyes, seeing things that arent there, talking outloud when you try only thinking, and always being a few steps behind whenever anyone says anything, and all for free...most people seeking this kind of thrill are willing to throw hard earned dollars on the counter and say "give me some jujubees"...but those people are crazy, Jujubees dont mess up your head, unless jujubees is drug slang for drugs, and then yes i'd like some jujubees, and no im not a cop.

this reminded me of convo i had with stef last year during one of my insomnia benders of being awake for 3 or 4 days:

danwho24 7: i thought u cant die from insomnia
danwho24 7: u can die from not seeing a buss and walking into it
sweetstef001: true
danwho24 7: or swallowing rat poison u thought was aspirin
danwho24 7: or falling asleep behind the wheel of heavy machinery
sweetstef001: but is that health problems or just being a DITZ
sweetstef001: danny who you're such a ditz
danwho24 7: hahahah ahahhaha
sweetstef001: lol
sweetstef001: you try to cover up your ditziness with these excuses.. "drugs" "lack of sleep"

angel gonzalezSince getting mono, through means unknown, I hadn't drank in quite some time, and with the papers to write and finals coming up, I was of course busy but there was no way I was going to miss the little shindig in honor of the one of the greatest human beings alive that was held this weekend. We had a party for Angel, a going away, we will miss you, we love you kind of surprise party. Angel is going for a semester "abroad" living in DC next semester, and we will miss his everlasting smile greatly while he's not around.

It was a lovely party, we had made t-shirts commemorating the life and times of mr gonzalez, mine which I will cherish forever. There were also many pictures and signs and other decorations...and Angel was greatful and glowing which makes anything worth it. I would kill ten baby seals if angel would be so glad...So I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the life-happy monster of a man that is Angel Gonzalez, and publicly wish him all the best. if i had a lot of stock footage of angel prancing and smiling, i feel i would put together a moving little montage in tribute, while something like its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday played. like this but with angel. picture it with me....(dissolve to white, cut scene)

"It was a flare gun, it went off in my locker...fucking elephant was destroyed"
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Saturday, December 6th, 2003

Subject:Who Dandey
Time:2:32 am.
The following are just some ramblings i came up with a year ago that were inspired by the type of absurdist short musings of Jack Handey.

I think when I'm being eaten by a cannibal, he'd probably say he's full when he got to my feet, but he's probably just turned off by the smell...he'd say he'll save them for later but I don't believe he has any intention of eating them later.

When I walk past a group of giggling girls, I feel it is safe to assume that they are laughing at me. Or at very least my invisible friend the "comedian."

When someone asks you how you feel about your current dental health, I think the best response is to punch out all your teeth and look at them and gum "coulb be bebber."

Whoever first called Kick the Can a game, most likely never played Jai Lai. Now that's a game.

I fantasize that all those love songs in your info are about my dad...I think that would be an interesting situation, me being in love with my step-mom...maybe dad could set us up.

The only gift you can really get an orchestra conductor is one of those little sticks...and you can't afford the one he's had his eye on.

You know how you are walking down a street, or the mall, or a long hallway in a huge mansion, or the runway of an airport kicking a stone or a bottle cap along as you go? Well do you know how? My guess is with your feet.

When you're giving a eulogy at a funeral, it really must be hard to not really speak from the heart...and say something really awkward and inappropriate like "Tito is the least appreciated of all the Jacksons. I wish he was dead so I could be giving his eulogy now instead of this slob."

When the doctor tells me that I have one week to live, I think I'd spend it doing something I have always wanted, and go to the north pole and pick up some ice from a glacier, then I'll probably microwave the ice and inject it into my veins. I mean hey thats probably the coolest feeling ever and I'm dying right?

When I smoke cigarettes I get a cool feeling all through my legs. But maybe it's because I'm smoking outside in the cold. And because I'm not wearing pants.

In an attempt to spruce up the landscape, I covered all the leaves on a tree in tin foil. What a rustling that was.

If you stare into a flame you can see its soul. My lighter has some serious issues and demons.

When I was trying to realize my dream job as a glass eater, I practiced by building up slowly. First with almonds, then with peanut brittle. I never made it to glass because I became a peanut brittle salesman, its a great job, that stuff sells itself.

As I was dangling by one arm off the precipice, I couldn't help but think that my goldfish would never experience this exhilaration or fear.

When icefishing, you may think peanut butter is a good bait, but you'd be wrong. Fish like their peanut butter at room temperature.

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Friday, December 5th, 2003

Subject:who is driving? o my god, bear is driving, how can this be?
Time:4:00 pm.
Here's a little bit of what its like in my head, this conversation never happened outside the caverns of my cranium, but i do this nonstop, i have conversations with myself, sometimes just me and me, sometimes me and me being another person, again this is just what i was thinking about as i was exiting the shower, but it never happened, but i felt like writing it down:

Shea: you were in the shower a long time
Dan: yeah, well its so warm in there, and hot and oooh i just wanna... uhh fuck the hole in the shower curtain.
Shea: theres a hole in the shower curtain?
Dan: well not yet, that littler fucker is a tough SOB but im gonna wear him down.
Shea: oh yeah?
Dan: yeah, i'll probably end up slipping him a roofie and when hes not looking taking advantage of him and POW, they'll be a penis sized hole in the shower curtain.
Shea: cock sized hole? your cock?
Dan: yeah
Shea: so it will be a small hole then? hardly noticeable
Dan: dude, you really sound like an ex-boyfriend you know that? like not only do you claim to know my penis size but you sound spitefull and bitter like that small penis failed to pleasure you on many occassions.

you earned this 15 dollars of roast beef and you arent leavin till you eat it allIve got so many pages of papers left to write, yes enough to choke a cat...what is your morbid obsession with choking cats, i mean its weirding me out, everytime we get together for a little conversation, without fail you always bring up choking cats and i just cant have it that ive set you straight, speaking of cats, i need to get one, not cuz i really want a cat, but so that i can bet on football.

enter next paragraph with further explanation what the hell this kid danwho is talking see my cousin Jim has a weekly football pool that i have been meaning to cold copycat and mimic, but every year i totally forget about it until I see him at Thanksgiving, well into the NFL season, too late to start up a pool. The pool works rather simply, it costs 2 dollars a week, we're not talking major dough, the more people the more money but he has about 15 people in his pool. You just pick the winner of every game for the week, no point spreads, just winners, real simple, the winner of the week gets one of the dollars everyone put in that week, so like 15 bucks...the second dollars for all the weeks go into a holding area until the end of the season when the player with the best winning percentage overall takes home the pot, now you can include picking the playoffs as well or not, i dont know if he does or not.

Now this pool is simple not groundbreaking or new in its conception, but the part i like the most is that one of the gamblers in this pool is my cousins family cat, Bianco. The cat, as it can not speak, does not pick due to whim or what Jim Rome said this week on his radio show. the Cat is a system better, and i want to adopt such a system for my cat, that does not exist.

  1. Bianco always picks a Cat team over any other kind of team, like the Panthers over the Packers.
  2. Bianco always picks against a bird team. Like the Giants over the Eagles.
  3. Bianco alway picks an animal team over a non animal team, except for birds, he still hates them. So he would pick the Rams over the Raiders, and interestingly enough the Dolphins over the Ravens.
  4. If two cat teams play, like the Bengals and the Lions, Bianco picks the home team.
  5. If two animal teams play, like the Broncos and the Colts, he'd pick the home team.
  6. Likewise, if two non-animal teams play, Bianco always picks the home team.
  7. And finally, you guessed it, if two bird teams play, home team. but with a side of hatred

Bianco has won a few weeks this season so far, and when he wins he gets 15 dollars worth of roast beef...and this cat is getting pretty damn fat and gross...but thats why i need a cat or maybe just a carboard cut-out of a cat, that i can love and squeeze and feed roast beef and who can be my only friend to pick games against me in my pool.

"We the jury find in favor of...Big American Party, everybody disco dancing..."
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:the excited yelps of girls in the snow being teased by staggeringly handsome boys
Time:1:07 am.
Music:dandy warhols.
Gather round the fire, its snowing and it feels like winter... theres kids outside my window throwing frosty snowballs, theres a threat of school cancellation, i'm inside in sweats avoiding writing a term paper, a wash of warmth hit me as Jimi Thing came on shuffle, and my face is fuzzy with new beardlings...winter

that birds crazyI must reiterate that The Tracy Morgan Show is a fine program...the third episode aired tonight on a special nite and did not dissapoint. It makes me laugh out loud for 18 minutes and then it hits you with a touching family messsage for about 4. This is sitcom gold. It oozes a professional aura, and has the power to grab diverse demographics.

Produced by Lorne Michaels and a team thats producing credits include That 70's Show and 3rd Rock from the Sun, 'NBC's 'The Tracy Morgan Show,' which kicked off with back-to-back episodes, drew 9.9 million viewers in its first half-hour and 8.7 million in the second when the sitcom competed against 'The Simple Life'" ( not to mention the numbers they must have recieved tonight after even a reapeat of perennial heavy-draw, Friends....Tracy Morgan is also a special guest this week on SNL, hosted by Reverend, Democratic Presidential Candidate, and Media Hound Al Sharpton...maybe Tracy'll be in one or two skits, which is about as many as he ever got per week a as a cast member.

Maybe its because i was IMed and emailed by a webmaster and his friend, or maybe it was fate, and by fate i mean a random natural occurance, that i was to learn of a second webmaster who answers to the handle of smitty. These two drunk peddlers asked me to check out The World According to Smith....but im an easy sell, just ask Chef Tony, i'll buy anything that badmutha hocks late nite or during the dead hours on a snowy saturday morning...

anyway im always happy to link a brother up, or give a toddler with a toothache an icepop...not to equate the two...but i read the stuff my second favorite smit had written and his ramblings paint broad strokes that i can identify with and with such pretty long as you ignore the tripodedness and read on, you might learn something, and as we all know, from masters of the universe like Maddox, and stupid doofuses with computers like Danwho, that it doesnt take a pretty layout to change the world.

Macaroni memories...Easy Mac is not easy enough for my stupid ass roomate. Karthik comes in, "damnit i fucked it up!" The name implies easiness, its in the name...their are only 3 easy to follow steps, im not struglling with my easy mac making...this reminds me of Nawlins in the study lounge at Tulane right after Ryan dared me to put peanut butter on the face of a passed out stranger, and he woke up as im standing drunk and giggling over him with a KNIFE full of peanut butter inches form his face...what a thing to wake up to...i just dropped the knife and ran with ryan back to Tara's dorm room...when we returned later with Smitty, to make easy mac, me and ryan made a perfect batch and Smittys was all watery, hard and well in a word botched...botched good, and we let him have it for that. memories

In closing, alicia keyes is on leno and shes on her cell phone while singing, im sure its part of the act, but its a stupid act, its on mute so maybe the song is about caling someone, but i dunno looks pretty dumb alicia, pretty dumb.and the past 3 posts combine to form a subliminal message i hope you fall victim to.

Everybody buy tapes.mailIM danwho247pete and peteproject alf
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003

Time:2:16 am.
altered state of realitySo as im sitting here watching dennis rodman's reality show, the season: dennis rodman on the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, i thought i'd tell you about it, cuz dammnit its boring me. Now granted i am watching it on mute and the remote is across the room so im not turning the captions on, but i think i get the point of the show so far...this may be the first episode, maybe the second, i dont know...

but when you think of dennis rodman, what do you presently think of, i mean right now, you hear anything recently? probably not a whole lot of late...and this show captures this pure essence of the present day dennis. Maybe its the lack of audio talking, but this show seems like a lot of just that, talking...his friends, baby's momma's and agent talk into the camera, about dennis. And he hobbles around i think due to two new screamingly painful tattoos on his bony shins.

and every so often a countdown to the first game of the NBA season. So this must have been taped during that month before the season when there was rumors dennis wanted back into the NBA. and that would explain the agent on the phone in every other scene, trying to peddle his out of date product. But the problem is, if that is what the show is about, and again i cant hear what they are saying is, that we know he doesnt make it back into the NBA at the beginning of the season. Now im not saying he'll never come back and play another minute of pro basketball, but it hasnt happened yet, so why the countdown to the NBA tip-off? well anyway you can feel free to disregard my uninformed review of the show and just not watch it for your own reasons or out of neglect.

i am a lawyerOh and did you catch Tracy Morgan's new show on NBC, named fittingly enough, The Tracy Morgan Show? Hilarious! Oh tracy, you have done it. and done it well. Two episodes aired back to back on tuesday and both were very funny. I think this show has the legs neccessary to make a serious run, and to avoid cancellation. It has a good supporting cast of a hot wife, Tamala Jones, two cute kids, who can both deliver punchlines as well as their faux father. John Witherspoon, of the Wayans Bros and The Friday movies gives the show some insta-cred...

The show's characters are unique and well developed after only two episodes, and has a certain aura of professional confidence like an old pro. Nothing about this show is cliche, fake or forced. Its fresh and funny but not revolutionary or exceptional to the point where it may not be easily recieved. It airs on Tuesdays at 8, and theres a special episode this thursday too...Classicly formulated and well-written, I can see a bright future in Spoonie Luv's future on NBC.

Mainly because this is a review slash catching up on things update, but also because im putting off doing school work, it occurred to me that i have added some new links without explanation, what a jerk.

gimptard---Steven Wishnack has a creative and artistic talent that makes me happy, i check his site regularly, his cartoons are great. He also has long hair like my brother and is an artist like my brother, i think i might like him so much cuz i miss my brother i dont know...but steven is great and so is his site.

songsense---a new professional website from smit that will revolutionize the music industry and the way your mom makes gravy....if your bored its a great place to go and enter the lyrics for your favorite songs for hours on end, and then talk about what the lyrics mean to you...get in on the ground floor so you can say you were there when....

canorous---i dont ever think i featured Canorous or the proprietor Jason in the heart of the blog..why the hell not...whats my problem, ill tell you what dont bother trying to figure out my problem, just go to Canorous and enjoy...enjoy

robwanska---Another hideously overdue main plug, how could i live with this huge oversight on my conscience, i done...anyway, rob wanska of the New Empires Lounge is chock full of daily content filled reading. You can get lost in the world in which he reigns supreme and it will be a fun excursion, i promise.

cstb----Can't Stop the Beat just recently unveiled a new layout, navigate people, navigate, you cant expect everything to be just thrown on the table willy nilly, devil may care, simple and sloppy like a layout.

Everybody buy tapes.mailIM danwho247pete and peteproject alf
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

Subject:i just called to say i love you
Time:3:03 am.
you looking up my shorts?My day has consisted of putting off writing an 18 page paper that should be almost done by now, if i had stuck to the plan, and what better way to kill time and at the same time get in the mood to write, than by rambling off a few paragraphs your way. i've been writing a bit today and yet not my paper that's due date is fast approaching...I came up with some clever scenes for the script, that i hadnt intended on writing. I was developing a few jokes in my head while i was walking and couldnt help laughing out loud and grinning ear to ear like a fool, i caught some looks when i said aloud, "i love myself, im just so clever" but those people werent in my head so i excuse them for being rude.

So im not contagious, mono-wise anymore, and i feel fine. I have the normal winter sniffles, but i'm not complaining, did it sound like complaining, cuz i dont want to imply any form of complaint.

I need to scrape together some dough so i can live comfortably when i go to Florida with David and Marc to see Alexis again this year. I owe my parents some back- car insurance and need to buy gifts for my brothers for christmas so, my parents are already covered...and trips can be a little less relaxing if you are counting your dimes to make sure you can afford to get home at the end...We did this trip last year, and i was so happy and proud, booking our flight online as early as september, shelling out the money for the 3 of us, flying down, having a great time with we had to do it again, due to money contraints we are driving down this year, but road trips rock and this will be fantastic, our now annual trip to see our dear friend in the panhandle. as Marc would say Alexis, warm it up down there for us.

Once every decade Seal comes out with a song that makes my toe tap and my eyes tear. If you watch the NBA on TNT, and i think thats the only reason non-In the Heat of the Night fans would watch TNT, except maybe during christmas when they play A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight...well anyway if you have seen the commercials for Law and Order repeats on TNT, they play Seal's new song, Waiting for You and man it almost made me want to watch Law and listen im not bashing law and order, its been on like 11 years and spawned several spin-off series, so it cant suck, but ive never watched an episode, so i wouldnt know, and why should i start now...coming in 11 years late and trying to get into a drama i dont care about, would normally be out of question, but that Seal song..damn...jazzy.

pete and peteNow you know whats a great christmas/channukah/arbor day gift for the that special someone/someone you hate? The complete series of Nickelodeon's The Adventures of Pete and Pete on VHS. Too bad such a product doesnt exist to buy in stores. O but you were excited, thinking you finally found something for that hard to shop for person whos as ambiguous with their desires as 'Its Pat'. Ahh but you are in luck. I happen to know how to locate such a product and have it shipped to you in 2-3 days for 45 dollars....OUTRAGEOUS you say...well there are 7 tapes in the series, and at 5 dollars a tape plus 10 dollars shipping. it makes fiscal sense for you to drop everything and jump on this opportunity. AND YES you can buy individual tapes at 5 dollars a piece. 5 dollars!...5 commercial free, great quality episodes per tape....thats 1 dollar an episode. who wouldnt buy an episode of pete and pete for 1 dollar. You throw dollars away on phone calls because Terry Bradshaw and ALF tell you to.

Project ALFEverybody who has seen Project: ALF has loved it, the problem being not many have seen it. think you know about alf, you think you've seen the extent to which he can be comically recieved. you have not seen anything, unless you've seen Project: ALF, the made for tv movie starring ALF and Martin Sheen. No longer on an 80's family sitcom, ALF is hilarious, making wise crack comments that are a bit more timely and adult. And come to think of it, i have this movie for sale as well, as it is not sold in stores, except in Germany, i dont know why, but they love ALF like Hasselhoff over there.

mailIM danwho247if you are interested in owning either the complete series of Pete and Pete on VHS or the Project: ALF VHS, contact me

Yeah and what was Jack Black talking about in High Fidelity when he made fun of the guy trying to buy I Just Called to Say I Love You, this is lovely. I guess it is sentimental tacky crap, but catchy. I guess i never heard more than the chorus before, but now that i have i really like that piano doo doo stuff, and i knew Stevie Wonder was famous for something other than being blind. thats insensitive.

"I must seek knowledge and its bastard son truth"
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Danny Who loves you.

EMAIL or IM danwho247add danwho247

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