Monday, December 23rd, 2002

Subject:ki kiss katrobe?
Time:3:12 am.
Music:rock your body.
leaving JMU was a mess...i was afraid i might miss my bus because i got drunk at James, steve, piyum and smittys the night before and i thought i might not get up in time to pack, but in fact i did, james got me up and drove me home...but packing was horrible, i packed up my computer but it wouldnt fit in anything and it was to heavy so i was forced to leave it, cuz it was raining too and i didnt want to ruin it. so after packing, unpacking and repacking several times i missed my check out appointment so i will have a nice fine waiting for me when i return...then i'm lugging my heavy bags to the bus stop in the pouring rain and the one bag with all my dvds in it decides to rip right down the middle outta no all my stuff is all over the place in the mud and i bundled it all up and slowly made my way to the, i had to hold the scraps of my bag and the dvds and stuff in my arms the whole 7 hour bus ride. now im wet and sweaty and mad and uncomfortable for the trip, and they only play one movie on the bus, sandlot, love it, but thats a lot of dead time...then the bus gets to the NJ stop early so i have to sit in the rest stop for 45 minutes waiting for my parents, and it was just a rotten day...

then there is a blank of like 2 days, i remember i spent some time with david and marc, went to the mall, and hung with matt, but i'm hazy on the details...

then Florida!
we had a great time, i really dont feel like getting into all of it now, but ask me any time and ill gladly tell u stories, if i havent already...and u'll tap ur foot and look at ur watch and say 'what does this have to do with me?' and i'll kiss you on the lips softly and say 'i wish i were better at that than i am'...and u'll give me a big hug and whisper reassuringly, 'i'm glad u aren't' & 'you'll learn from your mistakes, honey...'

well the thick and the thin of it is, i am visiting the place i once lived until jan 12th, and i have things to tell you...yes you.

.----- -------- --- -- --- - ---- ----
.merry holidays and to all a good night
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Tuesday, December 10th, 2002

Subject:all i want is another chance to fuckup
Time:8:08 pm.
Mood: scared.
Music:...u could look inside and see whats on my mind....
i had my business final, and it was good to see Mardan again, i really enjoy talking to her and being around sucks that i have no excuse to see her anymore unless i get lucky enough to have another class with her. Neuman was there too because 2 classes were combined for the final and i havent seen him in a while since i dropped out of Gcom.. i got my results back and i got an happy but its not perfect for a test i should have aced, i know at least one was an eraser mark mistake cuz it said i had put no answer and i know i didn't leave any i end up with a middle of the road B in business.

i took my history final and i was scared but i'm thinking ok this is going ok, i know most of this stuff and i finish the test and hand it in and leave and as im walking out of the building, i hear :dan?.. dan! hang on
(i turn around, shocked to see Dr. Hyser)
daniel: hey um hello
Hyser: where have you been
danwho: uh uh i've been aroun...i mean yeah i havent been in class in a few weeks
(im nervous as hell and he's standing right over me, a bit too close, so it adds to my discomfort)
dan: you came running all the way out here to see why i havent been in class?
Hyser: yeah i was wondering what you're doing taking my final if you havent been in class in awhile
me: well i read the book and um you know tried to study
Hyser: o k, well i guess you could give it the old college try..but you haven't been to discussion since October, and you've missed some lectures and i was wondering why you'd take the final
danny: i uh uh... What, i should have just given up and called this class quits?
(silence...Hyser takes a step back.)
Hyser: Welcome to college, Dan.
DPS: oh i know. i know. I have made more mistakes this semester than just this class.
Hyser: well... (walks away)
Szarejko:(turning to leave)um..sorry, i guess?

as im walking home i realized that there were so many more things i should have said..i really wanted to compliment him on his passionate lectures, and i should have asked if he meant that i had no hopes of passing the class..because there is no attendence grade except the discussion summaries that we hand in once a week and thats how he knew i havent been to discussion if i pass all the tests and papers i should still pass because the discussion class and summaries is only a small part of the grade.. but he seemed like he was insinuating that i couldnt pass so why take the final and if i wasnt so scared i would have asked those important questions but i just went blank and wanted to end the conversation as soon as possible...

so im done with finals and i still feel like shit...

joey sent me this picture that really made my was from dom's graduation party..back when i used to be funny...i had completely forgotten about it..i love jokes you forget about and they come back like 6 months later out of no where...

in under a week ill be on a plane to florida

i forgot to cancel my netflix free membership so they win, they got my $20 for another month

we're supposed to get a freezing ice storm tonight and tommorow that could knock out the power lines, i will be bored out of my gourd if im here with nothing to do and no power until Fri...i mean i didnt bring a boardgame or puppets for a show...
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Saturday, December 7th, 2002

Subject:this makes me feel good and im sorry im selfish
Time:1:02 pm.
last nite im feeling truly terriblly sick, i woke up at 7pm and was eyes were all puffy and i was oozing and goozing and my mouth was dry and i was coughing uncontrollably, sore throat, pain everywhere, truly awful..i stumbled to the bathroom and i saw jon and one of the many dans of PoFoFlo (potomac fourth floor, i didnt make it up) this one was dan t., the one who calls me carrot...he calls me carrot cuz i commisioned my brother to do a dry erase portrait of me on my door on parents weekend in October..and he drew me a Carrotcature, a picture of what i would look like if i were a carrot (again we didnt make this up its from The Brak Show on adult swim)..anyway the picture has inexplicably not been erased yet, i guess its just too priceless a piece of art for anyone to even contemplate sullying...once again anyway, everyone laughed when they saw the picture but since then dan t. is the only one who calls me carrot...and this i dont mind cuz i junior year i used carry a plastic carrot around that i took from the nose of a snowman i drive-by-knocked-down...i had some fun times with that carrot and those girls...the point is i was sick and looked like shit and dan t says hey carrot and we had a rather hilarious conversation about me going out that nite and how i looked...but i dont remember it but i laughed alot and it would illustrate my sickly state if only i hadnt led u roundabout through all this background just to leave u u cared anyway...

so back to earth...i was sick so i cried about it and then had some dayquil...i needed to study but i couldnt get Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas out of my head so i set off for blockbuster and didnt make it past my bed and fell asleep for 1/2 an hour...mike offered to loan me his car to go but i would have to take 2 bus rides to get the keys and the car and do it again to return it so i just decided to walk in the snow to blockbuster...its a good 25 minute walk without snow...and i dont have boots here and the sidewalks were covered in plowed up hills of snow so it sucked...i had to cross a pretty busy highway too..and hey i get there and they dont have it for rent nor sale on neither DVD nor i went to a little place not far from it that is a Stove and Video store..its so stupid..they sell and rent videos and DVD's and sell stoves, wood burning stoves, electric stoves...what a crazy combo..anyway they didnt have it i stopped at Kmart as a last hope for purchase and no dice..i mean im most likely getting this for christmas but i just had an insatiable i got some cheesesteaks and hotdogs at sheetz and went home and watched hackman.hopper.Hoosiers.hapiness... i was feeling deathly ill and i was once again in the snow for an hour, smoking and not getting any i could have summed it all up with i am an idiot but i'd rather waste ur time...

arhhh as im posting that incredible ear pain from sat, sun and mon is coming back and i have to concentrate on my business final at 3:30
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Friday, December 6th, 2002

Subject:read it, and i bet when ur done u wish u hadnt wasted all that time...
Time:12:31 am.
Mood:stir crazy/cabin feverish.
Music:although its been said, many times, many ways....
yesterday i ran some errands and took the required freshman technology test and aced it...i mean yeah its an easy test required by all freshmen but some kids took it repeatedly and they give u 25 minutes per section and i took less than 10 for 2 of the sections, i was flying and the old man who ran the lab was impressed, and its no big deal but A) it feels good to have that nagging test off my plate (even though theres very little on my plate) and B) it feels good to thoroughly ace a test again...

i returned my military science cammo and they did in fact let me keep the brown t shirt and the knee high black wooly socks...woo hooo..i mean the socks might be nice on a chilly night or look good with a my short black skirt...but the brown t shirt is so comfy and looks great with anything....i returned my stuff and snuck out to avoid the awards ceremony and pizza party...i got out about 3 and i couldn't shake the feeling that it was after midnight cuz i had been up for an awkward amount of hours..but it was too light out for midnight...that feeling stuck with me all night, i was sitting watching tv and talking online and i was convinced it was like 3am but marc told me it was 6pm...

walking back from military science, i got in a stride that was a bit presumptuous, a little faster than i realized that i would be able to maintain all the way back to my dorm...i wanted to slow down but there was a girl right on my heels for what felt like the whole time, and if i slowed she would surely run me down from behind or break an ankle trying to stop i dove to my right off the sidewalk and onto the grass, rolled and grabbed my ankle and grimaced in pain...i assumed this was the smoothest move i could take...she stopped and looked at me sideways "like ur dog looks at ur answering machine when he hears ur voice"...i just smiled and waved at her and she continued on her way...

we get 6 inches of snow and VA goes mad...they cancelled everything and rescheduled it for Saturday, this is gonna really fuck me up, i have enough problem with what day it is until they start changing the week to Mon, Tues, Wed, Sat, Fri, Thurs, Sun, Mon, etc...they are really not prepared for snow down here, no trucks with salt or sand, no plows, snowed around 2am and by 10 nothing had been cleared..thats pathetic...i saw a small back-ho or something from the construction site trying to clear a sidewalk and it was really just making a hit a lamp post and thats about it

snow days used to be fun before..they used to be a great relaxing day off and some fun in the snow..but its not much of a welcome day off when i do nothing every day..its just another day..but now my final is moved back to saturday and that means there are still 2 days left this semester that i have to wake up before 4pm..i have a cold so i limited my time outside in the snow, cuz i want to get better before my exams and definitely before florida...the internet was giving me shit all day, i dont now if there are a lot of kids on campus online due to no school but its acting worse than ever...and to top it all off and make me wanna scream into a pillow until i go water bottle pyramid collapsed. it was dropping bottles all day, and not just the top one that falls alot but some from the lower side walls...i kept repairing it all day and then i noticed it leaning so i pushed it slightly to the side and sat down at the computer and 5 minutes later the entire structure imploded and fell toppling piece by their are 120 aquafina and poland spring bottles covering my floor and im too pissed off to rebuild it and too heartbroken to throw them in recycling, so they are staying there until christmas just was a stir crazy day and the fucking internet explorer is the dumbest program, and those pictures took longer than they should have and livejournal was being dumb and my mouse was messed up so i ripped my mouse pad into shreds in a mini rage and then cleaned the mouse....

And I took 4 dexodrine and I was talking mad smack to ppl online...I went at marty like the point of being mean, disgusting, serial killerish, david o-like (ahahha sorry dave, not say dave is mean at all, i only meant to illustrate his bloodlust and penchant for disturbing imagery), and then went into a huge thing about the fragility of the once powerful newspaper industry:

and i was thinking...newspapers are a multimillion dollar industry....they employ reporters, printers, editors, writers, critics, photographers...all that printing equipment and computers cant be cheap either...and newspapers cost a quarter...or 35 cents...or 50 on weekends with all the color inserts and mcdonalds monopoly game the whole industry is dependent on the mass majority of the population buying papers...if one guy buys papers then they go bankrupt...maybe a paper costs 5 cents to print and they sell it for 25 but thats only 20 cents of profit per product...and maybe its more like 15 cents to produce and 25 to thats like 10 cents profit...and yes ppl who buy papers often get them every day or at least every business day...and alot of ppl get home delivery...but at 10 cents a pop thats still not much even over a year...and im thinking most employees need to make at least 25,000-30,000 min a year to support a family and theres a lot of thats a lot of papers to sell in a year...they are dependent on this large market...and then the paper boys and delivery people and newsstands are middle men so they steal some this is a fragile business that could fold easily if half the public lost interest...and with all the technology u'd think it would fold....and i remember the days of garrison hearst and those rich paper tycoon millionaires....joe Pulitzer...but the world without papers...can u imagine it...i rarely read them....but i cant imagine the world without them...its a part of life...taken for granted...and i was thinking...what about those ppl who tell the uninformed, the out of the loop, in disgust "go pick up a paper" i say, "what, i didn't know the US was at war"...and the guy says "y dont u pick up a paper some time u might learn something" that guy on the payroll....can they afford to pay him?...but can they afford not to?....they need all the support they can get....or is he just a paper enthusiast...and he realizes the life of the paper is waning. and he takes it upon himself to try to drum up support wherever possible?

Anyone can take money from u...I got a knock on the door from some redhead and she asked for a dollar on behalf of the RA's for the cleaning I gave her money for me and matt but and I don't mind but she should have credentials..i mean anyone could say anything and get money...

I spent all day convincing myself it was Saturday and so I almost forgot it was Thursday and Friends was on....but it was kinda ruined between people at my door, people on my computer and the overwhelmed, angry, helpless, unable to move feeling I had from the dexodrine... But Scrubs is the funniest show ever....The cable company was running school closings on the bottom of the screen and they even did company closings like a Tyson Foods night shift delay... that's crazy.

They made a new Land Before Time called the Journey to Big Water where Littlefoot and the gang help a new friend Moe, some sort of dophin-dinosaur, get back to the ocean after he's marooned in the Great valley during a many have they made? At least 10 by now, I think I remember seeing 8 in stores like a year ago

One of The Lord Of the Rings Two Towers trailers features one of the themes from Requiem for a Dream by Clint Mansell with the Kronos Quartet. This angers me...because Aronofsky had this score composed originally for Requiem and now its being reused, slightly changed but still it just doesn't seem right.

and i was telling ryan about all my free time and he told me about his busy schedule and asked if i'd like to do a paper for him...on consumerism in Requiem for a Dream...i jumped at the idea because i love that movie, i love writing, and most of all i love writing about movies that i love...i really havent had to write much this semester and i need to flex my under-used and forgotten brain...i brought Requiem home for thanksgiving and left it there thinking i could go 2 weeks without it, why bring it back just to pack it for christmas break again..why would i possibly need it when i just bought 3 new movies over the break, i have tons still at school and i should be studying for finals..what could possibly arrise that i would need it?...hahahha...i mean i know the film by heart but to do a real bang up job i'd have liked to watched the movie and take a few notes, get some quotes checked from memory...but alas..

i only left my dorm once today for 15 minutes, and still managed this mammoth post...
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Time:7:36 pm.
hey i got a genius of an idea..when u and ur roomate are both sick as hell and hacking up lungs for a few days..and u catch a glimmer of health, why don't u stay up for 24 hours, abuse prescription drugs so ur body cant function no less fight germs, and then go walking in the snow for an hour, smoking as u do so....

i cough and cough and i cant control it so i get mad and slap myself in the face..but that really doesnt stop the coughing just makes me madder...

If only I could be dead a little faster
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Wednesday, December 4th, 2002

Subject:i feel like spongebob with that water bowl on his head when he visits sandy
Time:5:29 am.
Mood: sick.
Music:imagine all the people.
my head is feels like im at least 100 meters under the deep dark sea and the pressure is caving my head in, or tearing it apart form the inside....i have a head cold..or something..dan szarejko's disease...since saturday night my jaw on both sides has been throbbing, i have a headache, my sinuses and what feels to be my ears are congested and feel like they are gonna pop, but it is excruciating to yawn, swallow, or cough but, i have a dandy of a cough and sore throat and runny/stuffy nose and im freezing...i slept on the bus home and then the rest of sunday and monday...

i was up last night and went to sheetz around 5am and jon asked me to pick him up a i got 2 hotdogs, a 12 inch cheesesteak, a burger and 2 qt carton of OJ..i met some really funny local cabbie who was apparently driving his fares drunk or high or something...he tried to steal jons burger from me cuz he was waiting for a sandwich and he was getting impatient. he was telling me and the clerk all these stories which sounded made up...he kept trying to sell me weed and get me to come in his car with him cuz he had some "hot girls that i should meet" who gave him "40 bucks to drive them aimlessly around", and who "sent me in here with the meter running, cuz they probly wanna steal the cab, but i dont care, if they do ill just run them down and shoot them"...after seeing my dinner and asking if i intended to eat all that, he boasted that he "ate 9 quarterpounders from mcdonalds" earlier that night, ...he wouldnt acccept the fact that i wanted some OJ to drink cuz i was sick and i needed vitamin C, he kept making fun of me for making mixed drinks and not drinking my alcohol straight...he was funny but kinda scary at the same time...

Last this morning i stayed up till about noon today, talked to alexis and matt on their webcams and i have been outcold off and on

i thought both my history and business exams were on next tuesday but it turns out business is this thursday so i spent tonight studying but if all studying was this easy i'd ace everything...the final is only recycled questions from the 3 previous tests and he gave us copies of all 3 tests and the answer keys to the first tonight i just went through my book and filled in the 3rd test with right answers and all i have to do is learn these 232 questions and answers and i get an A...history is a bit more work, i have my work cut out for me catching up there but i'll deal with that after business is done..

tommorow i have to turn in my army fatigues and i think we get to keep the brown tshirt as a souveneir, YAY...then we have a pizza party and some awards ceremony..eghhhh...

and either tommorow, thrursday, or fri i have to take the freshman technology test or i cant make changes to my spring schedule..

but after tuesday i will have absolutely nothing to do except pack for fri....not just the normal not doing anything, but not having any responsibilities that i should be doing..which will be boring if matt is still studying...but boring if he is done...

cough, cough, cougodamnnitghh, cough [punch myself in the throat repeatedly] cough coughyy coughity coughh cooughh rrrrrreeecgghhh arghhhhhhhhhh...
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Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002

Subject:very little for u to sink ur teeth into
Time:2:18 am.
Mood: sick.
Music:city on down into with or without u back into city on down.
now i have tape...all over my face
here are some lovely pictures of myself from last saturdays party at 1145J courtesy of Smitty's site

i have begun to color like mad, my wall is covered with masterpieces

thanksgiving weekend-- was great
i got off the bus home in some town in PA and got lost for an hour talking to ryan on the phone, i was somewhere near muhlenberg i think,
i got home..fuck it...theres too much info to sort through, i had a blast with my friends, OAR was amazing, i'll be back in like 11 days, i feel bad i didn't get a chance to do somethings i wanted to, like see stef, hey stef...

i came home with a cold, damn the frozen north

Florida and the like

late in the evening, fucked up on my computer, and my mind starts roaming, i create like a heathen...
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