Monday, November 25th, 2002

Subject:Saturday Blur
Time:12:31 am.
wow i dont remember much of saturday but its pieces of memory and bits from the many phone calls i placed to friends...

i went to ashby 1145J and had a great time, i drank alot, and everyone i knew was there, smitty, james, steve, mike, angel, shaun, nicole, golf tom, piyum, ryan, tegitoff and i met a bunch of new ppl...i left the party after awhile and went to pee but i kept walking and got lost on a dirt road in the woods and i called marty and some other ppls's voice mails. i made it to a gas station and bought mustard, an ice scraper, a pacifier, reeses pieces, and electrical tape...the guy at the counter and i had a good laugh about what a weird assortment of crap i was buying and i was like well whatver caught my eye, i had to have...i went back to the party and displayed the mustard for the james and smitty and others...later i borrowed a pen from some girl and wrote a note about the mustard and put it and the mustard in the fridge as a present....

i went outside to pee again and called marc and fell down in the road and layed there talking to marc's voice mail for awhile until a car came and almost ran me over..it was a security guard and i couldnt stand up..he asked me all these questions about being outside and i was still on the phone to marc so he told me most of it cuz i cant really remember, he took my license and told me he could get me for underage and drunk in public and told me repeatedly to go back inside...so i guess he let me off...

later i put electrical tape all over my face and caught some guff about it, they didnt understand that i was dancing and drinking and that led to me having tape all over my face...i think smitty got some pics of it....i had some good talking with mike about life the universe and everything but i dont remember much of it....oo i just remembered i did the pour some sugar on me dance on the deck by myself and i think steve got some video of it...smitty and someone else maybe steve invited me to come over today to drink more but we killed the 3 kegs last nite so i dunno if it happened...and some girls were smoking up in the bathroom and steve threw them out and then he let them back in and i was talking to them alot about it, and nicole introduced me to some girl i talked to alot and some girl i played cards with paige i was with and what was i gonna say..o i played pong with some kid and i didnt hit a shot at all i couldnt even keep the ball near the right side of the table...

somehow we got a cab and me mike and shaun went back to campus, the fare was like 5.50 and i gave the guy a 20 and let him keep it, he was talking about his little kid at home and how he works the late shift to help pay for him....im a 263% tipper

then i was on the phone with david and i explored a lounge ive never been in, and went to the vending machine and then to sheetz, i got some bagel thingy with roast beef, onions and i can still taste the mustard, it was light outside so it must have been 7amish by this time, somehow i passed out in the tv lounge on top of a crushed milkyway, and peanut butter m&ms and a bottle of water...i woke up at noon when jardin came in and asked what the hell i was doing, and i had no clue....then i went back to my room to sleep until 8pm...

apparently i made plans to stock the fridge with matt last nite when i was hammered so we went and picked up some beer and matt did lookout scout duty and i ran it up into the room for tonite and thats where it stands im drunk again and JMU is the best, im sorry i was so stupid before...
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Subject:"...i took what was left of a bottle..it may have been too much"
Time:3:24 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Music:make u feel that way.
yesterday, as i played angela lansbury, or nancy drew if ur more comfortable, and continued to piece through memories and rumors about my weekend, me and matt got a case and stayed in drinking and we watched adult swim and then braveheart came on sci-fi, SCI-FI? braveheart is not science fiction, it came on at 1 and with commercials the damn thing was 4 hours, i dont know if its cuz we were drunk or the sheer length of the film but we really got into it and felt we were there...

around 6am i went to sheetz and matt went to bed, i retraced my steps and bought the same, i think it was the same weird combination of ingredients for the same sandwhich with about everything possible on a bagel, but i was feeling sick so i didnt opt for the side of chili like the nite before...bored yet? so i am missing pieces again but i stayed up till about 9amish i think...matt had a class presentation at 8, and u ask why did he stay up drinking with me until 6am, i have no clue...but he turned into me and i saw him get up at 7 and turn off the alarm but i was still drunk so i figured he knew what he was doing...when i woke up at noon he was freaking out and my neck was throbbing i could barely move it...he had missed the presentation and then missed the next class where he had to hand in a paper so now thats late and a letter grade off too...and they say ppl who live together develop similar characteristics ahahhaha, he has gone to almost every class but its all about the timing. he makes a mistake on an important one and now hes hurtin...and i heard the phone ringing at 8:15 too, rang for awhile but i wasnt getting up, who would call for me that early, so neither of us got it, it was matts group looking for him...so i saw him turn off the clock and i heard his wakeup call but i was of no help to him, i feel bad but i'd feel worse if i wasnt worser off (worser is not a word...)

around noon after i showered and took a lot of excedrin to ease my freaking neck pain, and drank tons of water to rehydrate, me and matt watched Scotland, PA...while we were sitting there matt felt his foot get wet and he looks at it and his whole sock is beet red, his foot spontaneously exploded into blood for no reason..we are both baffled...

i saw an SNL today with john travolta that i have seen before but i mention it cuz it was great that they ended the show not by simply waving but by doing an end of grease song and dance number, that 2 minutes of waving with the credits rolling has always been the most uncomfortable television i've ever seen...
im eating only like the fifth lunch i've ever been awake for at JMU and im gonna pick up my packages and see my advisor now...
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Saturday, November 23rd, 2002

Subject:Friday night
Time:11:17 pm.
ryan called and i talked to him for a while, it was hilarious, i dont remember waht we talked about but it was funny....but it turns out he reads this LJ so hey ryan...

around 11 i was on my way to Wendys and/or Taco bell for a quick knosh and i saw Jon from across the hall outside and said hello, i told him i was on my way to the fine fast food establishments and told me it was too far and asked me to come to Southview with him...i saw mikes roomate sir shaun satunton the third on the bus and he noticed my seton hall shirt and we were talking and then i went one way and he went the other and we ended up at the same party...so i hung with Shaun a lot of the night and hes hilarious, mike wasn't kidding when he tells stories about how funny this kid is...i smoked with jon, shaun, the owner of the apartment and some girls and drank my weight...eventually i went for a walk to find a good place to pee but i got further from the apartments and i couldnt see anyhitng but one empty lonely road into the mountains and high grass and brush, so i got scared that id get lost cuz i could barely walk and had no clue where i was, i was so turned around i couldnt find the party again either so i walked unitl i found a bus stop and jon found me at the stop...we were waiting for the bus and this car stopped and asked if we wanted a ride..it was a couple from Campus Crusade and they were just bieng nice and didnt even mention anything about God until Jon asked about it and then he talked them into circles and it was hilarious, i kept saying if nothing else it was so nice of you to give us a ride, but i was cracking up because Jon was confusing me and them with his rambling questions...

i passed out in my room with my music blasting and tony came in and shook me unitil i woke up and asked me to turn it down...i did and then fell asleep again and he came back around 4am and told me to shut it off...i did and then was awake enough to stay up until 11am to watch mst3k, but it wasn't on and by that time i wasnt drunk anymore so i went to bed....
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Friday, November 22nd, 2002

Subject:merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream...
Time:9:10 am.
Mood:enlightened.
Music:mr jones.
i just had the greatest evening an insomniac loner could ever ask for....
i went out at 530 for a smoke and tried to climb my tree but the bark was wet so i kept slipping and fell pretty hard, it was comical for the guy on the bike who watched me...i stayed out for the sunrise and it was better than any of the others so far..The Perfect Dawn....the clouds were all over and every shade of blue sent representatives... just before the sun came out from behind the mountains, and then the oranges, reds, pinks and yellows showed up...i was again wishing for a high resolution panaramic camera to capture it, but why? so i could go back to my room and look at it? so i decided to walk and live it instead of trying to capture it into my cave...i walked for over 2 and half hours, off campus i just kept walking...it was so peaceful...the only people out were early birds and they pay no mind to me because they are too busy getting the worm...

i found the wendys, taco bell, and a good bagel shop and formulated the quickest routes there and back...all the while walking dangerously close in front of cars due to my fixed stare on the sky...i got some bagels with specialty cream cheeses, its been so long, the place i think was called Dr. J's bagels & deli and it was just like Flanders bagels...i got them to go and walked back to the benches by my tree behind college center and chowwed down, while watching some kids going to 8am's yikes

earlier tonight i built a 3 sided pyramid of water bottles, 8 levels, 120 bottles and i have like 30 more but they are of various heights and sizes so that wont take for a level 9, i need 45 of the same kind for a new level, someday soon...when matt came in around 5, he saw it and cracked up...

i watched Scotland, PA twice tonight, once with commentary, and the writer/director Billy Morrison (im sure u've seen him, he's acted in a lot but never any big roles, he's married to Maura Tierney) was a first time director and the stuff he talks about not even knowing about making a film when he started, is so much less than i know..like he made a good movie and did it with little knowledge and had the help of so many people...it makes me feel more confident about being able to do this myself...but he was an actor first and had firends in the business to help him and a wife who is a great actress to star in his movie..but nevertheless i could do it no problem...

i have recently gotten involved in a heated debate over the condiment of choice for hotdogs (mustard!) on James's CannedJam.com...read his posts, click the hot dog links, vote in the poll & visit the guestbook for insightful commentary by myself, James and Smitty...and if ur voting mustard and i hope u do choose the tangy spiced treat over the syrupy tomato goo... then u may want to visit Smitty's site and vote in his poll too...Mustard baby, mustard....

ashes ashes we all fall down...
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Thursday, November 21st, 2002

Subject:who is driving? o my god, bear is driving, how can this be?
Time:1:51 am.
Music:OAR & Live.
'nerf crotchbat....more fun than a normal crotchbat...'
did u laugh, i sure did

i watched frasier yesterday and starting cryin, my mascara was running all down my face it was so touching, all about what a hospital sees, births, deaths, i kno i am a puss-and-boots lately, i think i might be pregnant, because my emotions are all over the place and i eat lots of weird stuff....

last night during my 5am 5 hotdog sheetz run, it wasnt that cold out but there was frost on all the cars and the wooden walkway and steps by Blueridge...so needless to say i had tons of fun dancing by myself on the walkway, i was out there for about an hour until my pregnant lady hot dog craving kicked in again and i had to eat...

all i had to do today was go to military science, meet my advisor and pick up a package but i slept from 9amish to 530pm, so none of that happened...

i just opened a bottle of water and it sprayed all over me as if it was carbonated...what?

i watched the the end of the bachelor today and i've never watched the show before but i was disappointed in his choice, the girl he picked just seemed like a bitch who was just waiting for the ring and the win...the other girl was so selfless and caring for him even after he crushed her heart..he made the wrong choice...yeah i kno.. i'll go get my hankie from my purse....

and Dragon Ball Z stopped its new episodes, and went back to the beginning of the season today which blows..i won't make it til next september

tommorow i have to pick up 2 packages, go to history? and then i have nothing to do for 4 days, i have a free ticket to see Friday after next tommorow but i dont know if i feel like it...

i got Scotland, PA from Netflix and it is a good movie, its mcbeth placed in the fast food industry of the 70's, its a dark comedy, like a lighter, friendlier oafish Fargo, maura tierney is amazing as lady mcbeth, what a crazy bitch...

i havent made a decision about marty's party, i mean its like a solo wedding, and that only happens once, but matts not going and I'd love to spend the day in NYC and then see the 'greatest band' rock out the Hammerstein...marty says if i want to go to the OAR concert i should, but he also said he isn't happy that matt isn't coming....damnit!
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Wednesday, November 20th, 2002

Time:1:38 am.
Music:testosterone.
my business presentation went ok, we were very comprehensive and thorough. Mardan and Sung read from cards and were professional, i had chosen to wing it, as of late i have been much more comfortable talking in front of crowds as long as i know the material. I thought i did well but then i had to switch between the powerpoint to an overhead and that went well, then back to the powerpoint, still strong, and then i tried the link in the powerpoint to www.nutritionnanny.com, but i had a feeling it wasn't going to be up yet, so i had to stop the powerpoint and open the webpage offline from the CD i burned, and i stumbled a bit with the remote pointer/mouse/clicker/geode thingy, because the whole wall is a screen and the arrow in the screen follows the clicker when u hold a button down, but its tough to control without practice and i was trying to hit links and it was a little slower than i hoped, and i stuttered a bit when i was having trouble with the clicker, but nevertheless i did it and then had to go back to the powerpoint and come up with a conclusion on the fly...but prof Murphy complimented me on the site, most groups with sites just did free geocities pages with no links on it, just like one picture and piece of word art..so despite a little shakiness with the control i think we did well...

i got back to my room and of course jay had just figured out the problem, that he had given me the wrong server directory, so its up now wooo HOO a bit late jerk...waste ur time go ahead


i would be happy being a carpenter, i have always had plans to build something, one project or another at all time but nothing seems to get done, but if i had all the right tools and a workshop lookout
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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002

Subject:im a noble rabbit
Time:7:09 am.
Music:peppers - cabron.
how do u say i dont wanna not get to see u anymore?

after meeting evryday this week, me, mardan and sung are just about done with the project and we present later today, we are meeting one final time before class...after the presentation, theres only the final and then we will go our separate ways without the excuse of business to see each other...this guy over here knows what im talking about.

tonight everyone stayed up for meteor showers but it was cloudy, big deal i stay up very night try that suckas o thats what i thought ur tired...

for the business project, i made a web page but i planned on burning it to cd and showing it in class offline, but it has to be online to be counted so i bought host space and registered www.nutritionnanny.com, dont bother going. its not up as of now and hopefully by class it will be, im waiting for an email back, but even then its just a fake health monitoring product for class...but after the project is done, if anyone has any use for the domain i have it for the year..a doctor friend perhaps looking for a site, u start a nanny service and u specialize in proper nutrition, u are david osorio and u like health and crap like that....maybe ill just use it myself for some thing, like video when i get my camera...who knows...

champin' cigars is fun

just a week till i get to leave on break, i dont knwo what im gonna do with myself though, due to my failings, i only have my business presentation today, miltary science tommorow (if i go, cuz its cold out and we are doing a water survival lab) and history on thurs and the rest of the time is free until tuesday at 1pm when i catch my bus to the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the NJ turnpike, where my father should be waiting...
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Monday, November 18th, 2002

Subject:..the fife or the mandolin?
Time:12:37 am.
im happy again but as i am fickle who knows what 5 minutes brings

less than a month to Floridian Dreams

i had a coupla good meetings with mardan and sung so things are good there again, some good conversations with kids on my floor, & talked to david, matt and mom on the phone

due to several class failures im going to finish the semester with 7 or 8 credits, I TOOK 15! thats not good..but i want to rectify the situation, if im allowed back and if my academic probation allows i want to take 18 credits next semester because if i actually do any work i know i can get good grades

i saw One Hour Photo for 2 bucks, it was really good, but its about a lonely guy who loves pictures and becomes obsessive with a family, and i went alone and sat in a row by myself, i didnt care but my loneliness was exaggerated by the fact every other row was full but mine, my row was just me and i loved it...

i got waking life and bubble boy from the folks at Netflix...Waking Life is visually stunning but i was watching it and its very philosophical and i wasnt in the mood for it so i went to turn it off to watch it later and then, halfway through, just for a few minutes, Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke came on the screen and they were talking and they were the characters from Before Sunrise...i dont know what this means but its just seems too strange to be coincidence..i dont go to Gcom for weeks, i finally go back on a whim and we hapen to be starting a movie, Before Sunrise...i really like it and come back for the second day of it, it becomes one of my new favorite films, no plot, just talking but deep thinking...what made me go back to class for this day?...then when im just about tired of Waking Life they appear, and i freaked out because i was happy but more at the coincidence, i callled david but he probably had no idea why i was going crazy about it...i was going to see waking life eventually sometime in my life because i had seen an article in Entertainment Weekly over a year ago about it and it looked cool and then David had seen it and told me to watch, but for no reason would i have ever seen Before Sunrise, it was like i was meant to see it, i just was up all night and decided why not go to class that day....there are alot of little coincidences that im noticing, i cant think of them now but i had a list of them the other day...
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Friday, November 15th, 2002

Time:6:48 am.
Mood: uncomfortable.
Music:its hip to be square.
...but there is no real me, only an entity, something allusory, and although i can hide my cold gaze, and u can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping urs and maybe u can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, i simply, am not there.

i am really uncomforable in my skin as cliche as that has become, my left eye has not stopped twitching for one complete minute the entire day...

i was talking to my brother online and i was a little late for my buisness meeting, half an hour, but we never agreed on a time, Marydan sent me an email saying that i should stop by one of the computer labs during our normal class period, which i did but class starts at 5 and i got there at 530 so whatever i apologized for not getting there earlier...but with that, and the fact that i didnt go to the last class, which was optional and our grade on the last project, she was pissed...Apparently when the teacher says this class is optional, just come if u want to see the technology in the classroom for fun, it means u better show up cuz ur psychic and u know ur partner wants to talk to u...& the last project, we got a 109 out of 150 so thats not so hot but she's in turn mad at me because i did the whole project, but why, because i had done it on accident and she'd rather have me hand in what i had than be bothered...and she's pissed that she has to take the final now, o boo hoo...its cake, the final is no new questions, only questions from the first 3 tests and he gave us copies of the tests and the answers so what a couple hours of studying guarantees and A, o shit girl but hey have a heart attack anyway and make me feel like shit...christ ur lucky i come to class at all, ask my other groups from other classes, they dont even know i have a beard, fuck i only go to the class because its at 5pm so its tough to miss and shes hot, but fuck that...im glad i only have to go 2 more times, the presentation and the final...one of the few times i get mad at someone because i liked this girl and have been overly nice to her and i thought things were going well but shes way too uptight about grades, shit gotta have a 4.0, while i wont be allowed back next year..suck on that bitch...

I dont wanna make friends with any of these kids, i am afraid of making friends, the future is not worth it, i want to make my friends again...its not good cuz im only here taking up space and killing time until i can go home, which isnt home anymore but a familiar place that im visiting for the first time all over again...but when i go back, all my old friends will be there but they'll all be killing time at there folks houses just waiting to get back home to their schools...and that makes me wannasomebody...they arent my friends anymore, they're all somebody else's friends by now.

i went out to my spot to smoke, think, ride the rail and throw a racqet ball against the wall and there was a cop car on the WWII veterans garden sitting guarding the Class of 1949 Terrace, my sanctuary, i dont know what the fuck, if its just a good look out spot or he was jerkin off or if they have heard of a kid going into that area once a night and expect drug use and vandalism, but i went to the other side of the buidling and threw the ball as hard as i could over and over and had to chase it a few times, I HATE...

....and no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling, this confession has meant, nothing.
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002

Subject:dont worry about me, ill be killing by noon
Time:6:42 am.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:dave matthews for hours.
i found out what i was doing when i jammed my door open on fri and passed out...i had the video camera on a tripod on top of my desk in the corner of the room and apparently i pressed record, jammed the door open, made a crafty face like i had some crazy plan, and sat down to watch tv and was asleep within 1 minute...i watched the tape when i was doing my business commercial and in the middle there is hours of me sleeping..i guess i was assuming someone to come in to do something worth filming or something...

...i was looking at Alexis' new college picture trail and i started crying...aural chris carrabba is just an open invite for misty eyes...i know im going to florida soon but nevertheless she is gone...she looks happy and older..prettier and more mature...its just a reminder that i have lost the battle with time, the past is gone and things cant be the same no matter how much i avoid the future....

now david and marc have both received and played their Floridian Dreams CD's and they both seemed to enjoy it as much as I do, this is the first picture i made over a month ago that inspired the project...its not great quality but i have no desire to touch it up...On the plane to Florida...........soar

i freaked out today when i thought the business presentation was due tomorow and i havent met with my group in over a week and dont have anything done really but some rough unedited film for the commercial...anyway i left a frantic message on Marydan's answering machine about meeting with her and then i looked at a calendar and lo and behold the 19th is next tuesday, wooo hooo so tommorow im gonna meet Marydan and Sung...i also register for classes for next semester between 315 tommorow and 315 on the 18th...maybe just redo my schedule from this semester except for business...

i slept all day on Mon but i played it off on recooperation from the weekend, but there was no excuse for tuesday, i wasnt even sleeping, just scared to leave the room...so i stayed up as to not miss Gcom, we watched the first half of Before Sunrise, which is a good film..the teacher gave me a look of exagerated surprise, and why would u even bother coming to class shaking of the head, at seeing me in class..i just smiled and waved...at this point going to class is probably just practicing for next semester when i take the class again...im so afraid of everything..my mom said it has to do with my sleep habits...i havent gotten food in a dining hall in 3 days, i have been making ramen & easy mac, eating tons of cereal & milk or going to sheetz and wasting money..the cheesesteaks arent cheap but its only 98 cents for a hotdog with mustard, id be a fool not to eat 10 a day...that may be my new 3am fix, not smoking but hotdogs...i want a job in the city just so i can get a hotdog and pretzel on the corner before work, at lunch and after work...

:/despite the fact the past is gone i can still wallow in it...i spent the night reading old word files from hilarious old AIM convos....
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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002

Subject:in no particular order....trials & tribulations....
Time:4:36 am.
Mood: grateful.
Music:Micheal Jackson - Earth Song.
i woke up at 8am this morning to film myself wearing purple victoria's secret panties while matt was at class...its for business class and thats all im giving u...hahaha

i went back to sleep and slept until 6 but didint put on any clothes until 1030pm...




My weekend was undoubtedly the best thus far, no offense to anyone involved with any previous weekends...

Matt and benjamin came down from Edinboro and we pregamed at 1145J:Smittys, James, Steves and Piyums..mike showed them our movies and everyone thought we were sick but hilarious...its good for them to see the crazy side..we played pong and Steve was screaming at Ben cuz he had long arms and had to reach across the table to play and after that Steve yelled everything he said to Ben. it was so fun to hang with matt again and bens great too...we went to a party at sweet steens, it was pretty good, i was already drunk and then me and matt started doing shots of vodka and kamikazes, i wish i could stress how much fun i had that matt was there..but i dont remember a whole lot, but someone told me i looked like Tom Green during the night, and i was disgusted and vowed the goatee was history..matt had a full beard. .he had gotten bigger and looked like Mr. Keown and he said i looked a lot like my dad just thinner, but last i saw my dad he had just shaved his goatee which shattered matts world...

we went back to 1145J and matt was puking blood and i was wrestling Doop, he was really mostly just dropping elbows while i layed on the ground and laughed and i think somewhere i found a hockey goalie helmet and was wearing that i really dont remember much at all...we lost ben somewhere with steve and smitty i think and someone drove me home but god knows how i got in the building, i remember putting a towel on the floor in my room and jamming the door to my room half open, and thinking it was imperative for my door to be stuck open but i have no clue why, and i passed out...

the next morning matt called to get breakfast, he said theyd come pick me up and i went outside and fell asleep on a bench in front of my building... he called an hour later in front of the next building over yelling about looking out my window and i sat up on my bench and told him i could see him, that he went right past me and was outside the wrong dorm...

Me, mike, matt, ben, angel, nicole and ally and michelle went drove up to York College of PA to see Bewalder and Cook. we took route 30 part of the way through the yard sale and giant roadside attraction section of PA. Ben, Me, Mike and Matt didnt stop laughing the whole trip...ben doesnt use brakes or watch the road when he drives and with all the stuff on both sides of the road we had a blast...

Right about here things are no longer in any kind of chronological order, just random thoughts of what i can remember and piece together...
we got to Bewalders dorm around 4 and then went to cooks house off campus, i started drinking at 430pm and drank until 430am, i was drunk on and off but only got really really drunk around 4am when everyone was falling asleep..

i went for a walk back to bewalders dorm cuz i had left my phone there and his room was locked so i walked back, i played some pong, got cheesesteaks with everyone from a place surrounded with skateboarders, matt skated with them...eventually there was a big party in the basement with lots of york kids...me angel and matt went back to the dorms with the keys to bewalders room..to get my phone and some of angels stuff... we pretended like we broke in and stole stuff to scare his hall neighbors...we also pretended we were driving back and all took turns driving drunk, angels car went off a cliff into a stream, matts car slid down some stairs upside down, and mine tripped over a curb and landed on my phone and broke it...bewalder got in a fight with some kid hes friends with, it was a good natured wrestling fight but he got wrecked and bloodied...

we went next door to the nice neighbor Jersey jeff's house, matt did a kegstand and was dropped...we hung out there back and forth all night, they broke the light doing a kegstand and then poured all the beer nozzle to the floor for the next kid...later Jersey Jeff got stone face furious when Mike, matt and bewalder said the giants were better than the eagles..he tried to fight and was screaming whos better, mike kept saying giants and matt and bewalder both had to hold the kid back and after 20 minutes of this mike said "fuck u jeff i thought u were cool, but fuck off" and the kid came back from psycholand and apologized out the ass...

somewhere along when the kegs ran out and people started leaving around 3 maybe, we got 40s from a bar and me and matt ordered more cheesteaks and they cost like 12 bucks and i tipped the guy like 5... ben was sleeping on a couch and matt kept pouring beer in his ear and throwing things at him and i put puppy shampoo all over his head and he sat up as i was doing it and i kept pouring and he had no clue why he was wet...early the next morning the puppy was sitting on bens face licking his hair...

i met some girl and walked her back to campus because some dick had taken advantage of her when she was drunk even though she said no and she was scared... and while im walking with her and shes talking of how earlier that night she had been raped, angel was running around us yelling these 2 are gonna do it and stuff like that which was hilarious but innapropriate...puppies and kitties are so cute, cooks housemate Scuba Steve had a puppy named Chloe but we called it Malloy and ally and michelle have a kitten named Dylan...me and matt enjoyed the many names of bewalder...we call him bewalder, mike, funwalder, sweetwalder etc...york kids call him 'builder'... michelle calls him 'beowulf'...ally calls him 'rotweiller'...his friend 'Honky' calls him 'beligerent B-hole'..one drunk kid named 'Pops' called him 'seawater' but i think he meant sweetwalder...and there was a point were bewalder, mike and matt were yelling 'fart' from all differnt rooms for hlaf an hour on end and everyone kept laughing drunkenly...

matt folded out one of cooks sofabeds and there was no mattress and stains on the springy trampoline bed part...matt laid on it and ben folded it up and folded matt into the base of the couch...as if that wasnt enough he found a pole and was poking matt with it but then got a second wind and stood up and started hitting the couch ferociously with the pole, matt stayed in the couch for like 2 hours and then woke up and slept on the floor but couldnt fix the couch and fold it up right...cooks house looked like a war zone and honky spilled beer in cooks computer and broke it and Chloe Malloy was tearing up a bag of croutons...we followed Bewalder to find breakfast but he had woken up and drank my extra 40 so we followed him while he was drunk and wandering all over and then just gave up and decided to get food on the ride home...four of us squished into the back of ally and michelles car for the ride back to JMU (angel, nicole, me and mike) we played a disney song trivia game.... needless to say there is tons of stuff that happened that i dont remember or dont feel like getting into...


overall theres alot that i dont remember and alot that i do, but i laughed so hard for 2 days straight and had a wonderful weekend...
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Friday, November 8th, 2002

Subject:pay no mind to my mindless jibberjabber
Time:3:38 am.
Mood: restless.
Music:radiohead - the bends.
missing classes makes me feel simply awful all day long...but sleeping feels so good...i know i should get up and that i am fucking myself over and that i'm gonna feel shitty but i still go back to bed because its so comfortable...i try to stay up forever because if i sleep, i know i won't have the willpower to get up. It doesnt matter what time i go to sleep or how much i've slept in the last week, if i go to sleep and try to get up for anything..i will sleep through it. they're running a promo on Comedy central, "7,000 people die in their sleep every year, don't become a statistic, stay up..."

Mr. Iwantodie is trying pretty hard to come back...but Mr. Hopefulenlightened is working overtime to crush those feelings, bottle them up and look on the bright side....

i think i did pretty good on my business test, but i really wasn't taking it, so lets hope the adderall knows its marketing and mutual funds...

I was restless all day or at least the hours that i was awake...it may be because i ran out of cloves and i'm withdrawaling and addicted but it could be that i am fed up with my stupidity...i missed dinner again because after my test i did some errands and then watched dbz and friends...

i try to avoid regret because i can't do anything about things that have happened and it only makes me miserable..but elliot and matt have been giving me little in's that seem like they are trying to invite me to hang with them, letting me in on what they are doing and, telling me that i should come to elliots some time to play gta4 and stuff, i dont know why but i react really weird and thinking back on it, it must seem like i dont wanna hang with them, i should fix that but if i think about it i'll only be weirder...also jardin has been giving me little in's too and i took one tonite...

i was talking to Jardin and he loves DBZ so thats awesome..its really getting good so we have stuff to talk about...i hung out for a while down his end of the hall..he's gonna try to get me to stop smoking and i say all for that, i hate it, i only smoke once a day and i usually do it far from the dorm by myself because i'm ashamed because i think its so gross & if i hang with the smokers in my building, not only am i intimidated by them but if i get in with them i'd never quit... i just do it for an excuse to get out and relax outside for myself during the wee hours of the AM...

i got the envelopes for mail, so maybe tommorrow i will finally mail my crap...and i got Murphy to sign the video rental slip so tommorow i should go get that crap...

hey well i just hit an up note...due to constant exposure i basically talk to everyone on my floor comfortably now, which it just sort of hit me and i guess i shoud be happy, but theres something wrong with my brain

seems Matt is coming to JMU to visit this weekend, and i am always a better human being when im with my friends so this should be great, i was so comfortable when i went to Edinboro and i made more friends in one night there than i have in months here...


...i am thoroughly confused with this guy right here...
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Thursday, November 7th, 2002

Subject:...sleep ur life down the toilet....
Time:2:58 am.
Mood: restless.
Music:the KGB - Binary star.
i told neuman i was gonna defiinitely go to gcom today so we could do some stuff for the peanut butter project...i still dont know how we are gonna spend 20 minutes convincing the class that skippy is better than jiff, using facts (neuman says its only 10 min but the teacher said 20, then again he goes to class more than i do)....anyway the point is i didnt make it to class and i also missed another military science despite telling Tim that i definitely going even if it was rainy and cold.

i knew i wouldn't make classes because i stayed up till 8am and then tried to sleep for 2 1/2 hours. anyway i didnt get up & slept through dinner, i got up at 930 and watched the end of the Knicks win, and watched the Nets lose their first. Sean Elliott is a great new announcer for ESPN, him and Brent Mussberger had some chemistry. On a related note Tim Hardaway is the worst new commentator for ESPN, they hyped him up and then he was mean looking and just awful at talking. The Nets lost to the Bucks who's rookie center Dan Gadzuric changed the pronounciation of his name to GOD ZurEEsh, and the midnight sportscenter with Karl RavEEch & REEch Eisen, did a great piece on all the crazy pro athletes who have chnaged their names or pronounciations. it was a great segment.. then i watched & taped the 1 & 2 oclock sportscenters in order to hopefully get the piece on tape and they didn't play it again...ROARRR

also i didnt mail the Floridian Dreams CDs because i slept the day away....fuck u stupid me

no word on the 250 bucks from the 50/50, they must be just building suspense...

I have a bussiness test tommorow and i have to get a permission slip signed by Murphy in order to be able to rent a video camera without paying...the school has 2 digital video cameras but who knows if they are available, & i dont know what kind of other stuff is available....i will have to get the slip signed tommorow in class and then after the test, the camera rental place will be closed so i willl have to wait till Friday to sign up for a camera and u have to sign up 24 hours before u need it, so i can maybe get something by Saturday and by then who knows what/if any equipment is left...


My hair is getting long and my goatee is a beast....This is an artists rendering of what i might look like now if u saw me and i was wearing a tux and hanging out with a big purple thingamajig.


thats all from the good people at Dan SharEEchko land...
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Wednesday, November 6th, 2002

Subject:...dreams of rediculoucity...
Time:2:54 am.
Mood: weird.
Music:Matthew Good Band - the fine art of Fallling Apart.
i have always thought, that u can learn alot about me by the way i spit...

its a dumb metaphor and ur sure to be uninterested but..

when i have something that needs to get out i spit weak, timid, cautious, drooling..swallow...
but when i say that was awful, i've drenched myself in my own fluids, and i put my mind to it, i release with fury and i get out what needs to be out..
i'm never gonna win a distance contest but i do all right for myself...
thats all i can ask of myself and i am content.

expect nothing..i went to business in a good mood, a bit late and i was soaked, because i've never been one for the hassle of an umbrella and jackets are only for warmth, and i had expectations of a good conversation with Marydan and Sung about my commercial ideas but they were uninterested in my ideas and my existence but seemed to be in a rush to leave...normally this is no big deal but for some reason i was expecting more, because i feel that the last time we met, because i was finally comfortable, that we were closer..but i should know better than to be so selfish to forget the world does not revolve around me just because i am comfortable..anyway ramble ramble ramble and so on.

i bought a 50/50 cuz tim was selling them so i should be about 250 bucks richer by tommorow..
i should look into a job because i am drowning in scenes & ideas, i wish i had cameras of all sorts and sizes.
tommorow i must check out the camera situation, & mail my CDs to the cast of floridian dreams

Matts asleep and he just said 'Momma' in his sleep, i wonder whats going on in his head...

Roar and all the rest...
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Tuesday, November 5th, 2002

Subject:Talking to myself accomplishes more than talking to u
Time:7:12 am.
Mood: hopeful.
Music:Hayden - Dynamite Walls.
i slid down my railing with a clove in my mouth and i never realized how heavily i inhale when im doing that but i took the biggest drag ever and coughed and almost fell, i am still shaking...i dont know if its the fall or the drag but i can't stop...

before that, i was talkin to myself as if i was pitching a movie idea to someone (i did this for over an hour and a half, i do this alot) and i came up with an idea, just a preproduction idea, to put tiny cameras in the peephole of the dorm doors. i did a good pitch..alot of stuff happens in the halls and with remote network links from the rooms to my computer i'd have a lot of boring video to sort through but i could catch some good film...if i had every door on both sides hooked up on a floor with wide angle cameras i could catch, albeit with some gaps, some good video....i would have to get everyones permission to install them, not to mention residence life, but my ideal system would allow ppl to still use the peephole but now with a wider view, and they could come to me to see whatever is filmed for surveillance, if someone say urinated on their door or something. so thats how i'd get them to go along with it...the only problem with everyone having a camera is that they'd all know they were on film in the hall and be less likely to act natural...of course any thing i planned on using in a film showing anyone, i would have to get them to sign a release form but slip them a few bucks and its cool...i am years away from this ever coming to any realization not to mention thousands of dollars away as well...but an opening credits sequence using this idea would be creative in a movie set in a college...just wishful thinking but pitching a movie that utilizes new technology and creativity puts it a step ahead of the rest... a step towards being noticed and achieving critical acclaim...Darren Aronovsky (Pi & Requiem for a Dream) did a great job with new camera tricks.

I have had no problem thinking of ideas for movies and little things to put in them but i knew i have been tryin to think of something innovative camera-wise and i was startin to think everything new had been done to death, i mean when John carpenter made Halloween with the then revolutionary steady-cam technology when a guy carries the camera in order to give the viewer the idea that the camera is the character's viewpoint, it was revolutionary but it was the 70's and alot of things hadn't been done..whats left by now, whats left that i could conceivably do on a less than indie budget?...and i'm not saying my simple peephole door shot idea is revolutionary or never been done, but it simply gives me new hope that i can think of newish ideas...so its more of a moral victory for myself...i know ur not impressed so shut up, im the man and thats that...ahahha...

Music is also one of the most important things for a film catching u also, and Aronovsky does that well too, and i have been honing this skill for a while, movie trailers are reliant on music that make u remember, new catchy music does wonders for anything... anyway The man is a genius and my idol...he is working on Lobby Lobster (a movie he self-financed and wrote as he went along), Batman:Year One, Ronin (not the DeNiro action flick), and an unnamed Brad Pitt movie...i cant wait.

for the meantime i'm thinkin of commercial ideas for my business project, i came up with a good simple idea that could look good if i do it right, or really dumb if i do it wrong...its tough to come up with ideas when i dont know what i can do, because i dont have a video camera and i will most likely have to borrow one from the school and i dont know what they have to offer..ill go find out in the next couple of days though. i havent found anyone yet who has a good video camera but i dont know that many people, but if the school only has crap then i'll have to ask around more...

i will have to get a job soon because i plan on having this ASAP
and apparently i would need like at least $1400 on ebay and they run ups to 5 large in retail, but thems the breaks...

anyway i spent all this time with my ideas and i want to save money and learn the technology behind cameras and continue to cultvate creative ideas, i'll have to learn to build the cameras, but between classes at JMU and te multitude of stuff u can learn online i'll learn...someday i will realize some of my ideas and make a stunning film that someone else, maybe just one person, will enjoy as much as i will...so my new hobby is to learn technology, make money and think..i think i can handle that...and the beauty is my major is technology, so even if i never get into the film industry, anything i learn can only boost my resume....

...hope and happiness is good stuff...
*(that requiem link is one of the greatest sites, just keep moving ur mouse & clicking, u never really get anywhere and it keeps going forever but i never saw a site that fit its topic more...)
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002

Subject:Better than Fine...
Time:4:57 am.
Mood: cheerful.
Music:Ok Go - you're so damn hot.
ahahhahaha i am too happy for a kid who didn't go out wed, thurs, fri, and sat.

RA tony - "what are u doing up at 6am?"
me - "i'm still up, i stay up all night and morning and sleep during the day."
RA tony -"sorta like a vampire then? i do the same thing except the sleeping during the day part."

matts had a friend from towson staying here this weekend, the kid is pretty cool, he doesn't know kyle... both of them passed out while we watched toy story 2...

i stayed up last this morning till like 3pm today watching home movies of me and my bros, my tv & film class tape and lots of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, then i fell asleep and then slept till like 10.

i havent eaten anything but pretzels and fun size halloween candy bars for 2 days, as if any other size would be any less fun.

RA tony -"is that ur roomate, is he even breathing?"
matt - "yeah he's always like that during the day, stays up at night and dies every morning"

i am meeting Marydan and Sung at noon to brainstorm for business, we have to create a product and market it, so i probly won't sleep, just stay up and think of ideas till its time to meet.

being happy makes it a lot easier to socialize even tho i havent been partying. i need to every once in a while but i really don't need to party all the time. i like small parties with good friends. no huge parties with lots of perfect strangers, where i get shitfaced as quick as possible just because i'm uncomfortable, and then end up so tired by like 1 or 2. i think because i started drinking so early, 6th grade, that i have gotten over a lot of that, rebellious drink for no reason ,feeling. I'd much rather just sit and watch the game with a few friends and few beers.

nicole called me today to invite me to steve and smittys, but she called when i was sleeping so i thanked her but respectfully declined. i t was very nice of her to include me, and i'm sure i would have had fun but whatever either way i'm doing better than fine....
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Subject:'and strange, that clouds that look like mountains in the sky, are next to mountains anyway'
Time:7:25 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
Music:John Mayer - 3x5.
i remember why i came here, Beauty.

i went out to my tree and climbed it, and sat on a high limb watching the sun do glorious things to the clouds as it rose up from behind the mountains, it was intensely beautiful. its so quiet this early, other than the newspaper delivery people and one couple who were watching the sunrise too, there is no human activity. i climbed halfway down and jumped and sliced my hand and its bleeding but it was all well worth it.

i saw a bullentin board outside my room with horoscope stuff on it, and i never place any bearing on that kinda stuff but i read Taurus just for fun and it was great, now i don't mean to say that i am a believer now but it was really a great message. It Is & could be really true.

Taurus
"Showing your love makes you very attractive, and with your best side showing you'll be magnetically attracting friends and co-workers like bees to honey. And its not just for superficial relationships. You want in-depth bonding experiences that enrich, transform, and regenenerate you on a gutsy soul level. It's also a good month to take care of your health & look into any lingering or chronic conditions. If you want more out of your job, taking the service you perform more seriously will help you feel more fulfilled. Income from your creative work may be stalled for longer than you currently anticipate and its not a good time to risk an impulsive investment & you may be tempted. When you work hard & network closely with co-workers, you shine, get noticed, & rejoice."
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Subject:"i'm, writing you to get you up on places i've been"
Time:7:40 am.
Mood: touched.
Music:"u should have seen that, sunrise, with ur own eyes".
---in the mood to lose my way with words---

crisp & clean, cool enough to see your breath and have your face get numb and rosy.
fresh like early saturday morning soccer games
hard sharp lines and soft colors
bright and brilliant tree covered hills
Energizing & Exciting
vibrant multicolored trees, each leaf highlighted or shadowed for depth, above green grass still uncluttered with leaves
Still and serene, gorgeous blue sky, wispy clouds
Shadows and Bright Sunlit patches of earth
Red sunkissed rooves, sand colored buildings, and grey stone monuments and structures
Distant hazy blue mountains sharply outlined, green valleys, and building peaks jutting against placid blue

"skys are painted colors in the cowboy cliche"
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Subject:MonkeyChild, MonkeyChild, Dun Dun Dun
Time:6:40 pm.
Mood: okay.
Music:ok go - antmusic.


smithappens dot com just because ----------------->

i had a good day, it was great to walk around early on a lovely sunday. i met with Marydan and Sung and was at ease. We got brunch at D-hall and brainstormed for business. i finally got up for breakfast food.

i did a lot of the last project and Marydan loves marketing, its her major, so she is going to handle a lot of the work this time. She came up with a product which i like..its a chip that goes in your mouth and counts all the calories and nutrition info of everything u eat all day...it can be marketed to dieters, health conscious people and people with conditions like diabetes. i'm gonna handle making a commercial, and she's gonna do the marketing research and presentation.

most of my product ideas were like edible things or drugs. but i was proud of my alarm clock that triggers ur brain to wake u up, it doesnt wake up ur roomate because only u can hear it because its mental, and u can't sleep through it because it stimulates whatever in ur brain makes u wake up. I also liked my conveyor belt shoes, think electric belt sanders on the bottoms of ur shoes...lazy man heaven. Also an automatic straw that pumps liquid up into ur mouth...& an attachment that goes on ur teeth that is nail clippers and a file, so nailbiters can have a manicure...

i love H2O

forgive me...i dont have much to say i just have been playing with basic HTML for a few minutes and i wanted to try some stuff out
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Friday, November 1st, 2002

Subject:i hope ur as happy as i have just become
Time:5:25 am.
Mood:mentally healthy.
Music:aquabats - pool party.
this is a pic smitty took for his site from the 80's party, look how gay i looked and i had girls all over me that night which i dont understand. alot of the girls liked my makeup and my tiny green shorts but they must have been not only drunk but semi-blind and insane (thanks to dave for the hosting tip)



click for smittys site, hilarious...give it a chance, be thorough...live it


I am so well. better than ever. i am happy with myself, life, prospects and everything. I only allow my self to think positive and i haven't stopped smiling all day. craziness
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