| Monday, September 30th, 2002 |
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i apologize for the last 2 posts, they werent written well enough to keep the readers attention, and have spelling errors and links that dont work, but i was high and in a rush to get out the info of my good busy funfilled weekend, which totally renewed my hope in college being fun. SO much progress in 2 short days.. i also neglected to mention that i bought the tix for florida. i really enjoyed doing it. i made a major online purchase, and planned a vacation without consulting or recieving any help from my parents. i didn't ask them for permission and i didn't even have to ask for a credit card. It feels very good to know that something that we've talked about doing is actually going to happen... Downloading here at JMU sucks so if anyone has They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse In Your Soul, and would like to email it (szarejdp@jmu.edu), or send it through IM, (danwho247), i'd appreciate it, cuz i am craving it like some do the drugs i was on when i first heard it...[thank you so much Marc for fucking over your french to feed my addiction] i was up til past 6am last nite, i turned on Winnie the Pooh at 5:30 on disney and fell asleep after the cartoon where rabbit (i love how pooh says rabit) pretends to move away to stop pooh from moochin his honey, matt didnt sleep here and he came home at 5:45 pm today and i got up shortly after i heard him get in. we ate and then it was all tv and naps. i love lazy sundays after fun weekends... i still have a little glue in my hair and i should sleep so im awake in math tommorow.. |
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Note: if people pee on the floor in the bathroom and the cleaning ladies pour soapy water on the urine and move it around, the urine will still be there just diluted. if you go to the bathroom and ur pants hit the floor they will sop up the urine/soap cocktail and I will smell faintly of piss all day... Paid my Cadet leader guy, nguyen for paintball while at lunch with Paul and neuman and another kid, damn forgot his name, so now i dont have to make an appointment to meet him. not even gonna discuss math...the whole class did pretty bad...but my grades are as bad as anyone could imagine... in History discussion class if i go prepared and having the hw done i volunteer the answers to all the questions and lead the class with discussion, as i did today. i got back my history test grades, -30 of 50 on the multiple choice(i thought i aced that part). -15 of 20 on the pictures and significance(i made one stupid mistake John C. Calhoun president of the Bank of the US? damn fool). -23 of 30 on the discussion essays. thats 68 of 100, not so good, but i talked to a girl after class who got a 65 and she said she was asking people and theyre were some b's but mostly c's and d's. -However i also got my J. Maddy essay back and i got a B,(62 of 75) not exactly the perfect paper i thought i handed in but still not bad compared to my test. Gcom test coming up on Wednesday, 7 chapters... I REALLY need to do laundry...for the first time... |
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| Sunday, September 29th, 2002 |
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on fri i didnt have much of a 80's costume so i went to walmart with mike and angel. i ended up wearing my Cats the musical faded t-shirt and a basic pattern tie with a elmers glue mohawk. i had my slap braccelet, short team usa bright green shorts, high white womens socks that i drew 2 black stripes on with a sharpie. i had my hightop rockports with curly elastic laces. also put on blue eye shadow all over my eyes and green eyeshadow very lightly over the rest of my face so i looked like a junkie. i also bought about 20 colorful thick elastic hair bands which i put on like bracelets all up my arm. but my hand turned purple so i had to take them off. i tied them all together and made a long multicolored band which i wrapped not so tightly around my arm like a bunch of bracelets. i met some girls at the party who i let play with the rope of hair ties and the one who looked like a young hotter neve campbell i let take it. i had a lot of fun at the 80's party, the best time ive had here at JMU i guess. i met so many cool people and already knew a lot of the people there. mike, angel, nicole, ryan, teggy, me and mikes neighbor bill and roomate sean and another kid all went together on the bus so i had a good group to start with. i got very drunk and couldnt really stand much and i was attempting dancing with some girl up against a wall, she kept trying to get me to dance, we danced but even being drunk i wasnt really interested in her. but i gave them my cell number and they wanted to smoke wtih me the next day they were gonna visit a kid they knew on my floor the next day anyway. the party was at steve, smitty, james and paiyum place, the place i went the first 2 nights i was in VA. Smitty took a pic of me, it may go on his site, and steve loved it when he saw me and souted danny. so it was great to go somewhere that doesnt seem like all strangers i left the 80's party with angel and nicole and i convinced nicole to watch zoolander with me sat after she got off from work cuz she has it on DVD. we took the bus and ended up at angels dorm so i could get my wallet, phone and jeans which i left there. then we walked to sheetz for subs but they were over loaded and werent taking orders so i got a gallon of water and five bags of chips, but it was so hard as we stumbled back to carry it. i went out in fron of the building where all the kids on my floor hang out. i ate a bag of chips and blew on my pipe filled with bubbles, while stil in makeup and mohawk and 80's clothes. i was so trashed i was laughing a lot and just smiling and being incoherent and i made so many friends right there. they think im crazy but i was finally myself. alf, a kid a few doors down who i have always said hi to, the kid i was a partner with during my orientation summer reading book class disussion. we had to give a speech and he started abd faultered and i took over smoothly and gave a great spotnaneous presentation. Anyway Alf was very like cool yesterday and seemed proud of me for going out and being social. i went inside talking to a girl from the first floor and i fell down by door and took my jeans off to show my eighties shorts and couldnt get the key in the door and i just banged on the door saying open. and then i drew my picture on a few boards on peoples doors. she got me inside and i through everyhting around and made a large mess trying to open my monsters inc dvd and she watched it with me but i passes out soon afterwards i assume she had her way with me and let her self out. |
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sat, the first time i ever got lunch on a weekend, i dunno why me and matt were up early for i was IMing nicoles away message about zoolander and josh asked me if i was going to the football game because he needed a D to speel DUKES for painting chests and i Immediately said i was in and IMed nicole back to tell her i had to go to the game. we looked sweet, i left the mohawk in and sprayed it gold too, it was me(D), josh(u), neal(k), Andrew(e), and greg(s) http://www.angelfire.com/space/qwertyguy3/jmudukes.JPG and http://www.angelfire.com/space/qwertyguy3/dukesfootball.JPG we met some ppl with JMU painted on, we were very loud and lost my voice and had a blast and made some new friends, we lost the game but it was close we came back to potomac, i talked to a bunch of kids from my hall while i was wearing my d and no shirt and mohawk, so they think im a crazy maniac which pleases me,i showered and got a pizza with josh, the others kids from the game, and tim, whos in my msci class, we watched tv for awhile and me and tim went outside and talked to people and we saw some sparklers so we curiously went over and i asked some well dressed older adults what was up and turns out they had a wedding reception at festival. these kids are all really cool and they think and have opinions and dont just party ALL the time and joshs room is great cuz he has no roomate and made the bed into a couch. the girls from last nite who wanted to smoke, called me and came over but my pipe wasnt working so they left and i made a makeshift soda bottle one, and then some girls from the 3rd floor came by cuz they heard i had stuff and they had a bowl, so i went to their room one of them is gorgeous, the other one and i smoked myself silly and danced to some they might be giants and they had to change so i left but i think they wanted me out and i was used but i dont care. things have turned around in 2 days i talk to a lot of the kids in my dorm now and i had a great weekend with lots of different people. matt isnt sleeping here tonite he didnt either... im gonna pass outt..... |
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| Friday, September 27th, 2002 |
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studying tonite was a disaster, this foreign material is not going to sink in in one night. i am too far behind to pass this test for math, chalk it up to defeat, and my own stupidity. I need to really turn things around now, i am dedicated to do whatever it takes to pass the class.... i am also dedicated to do whatever it takes to go to florida this winter. the florida pipedream, we had tossed around before, seems like it may actually happen, and that gives me a new lease on life, something to look forward to, "its a reason to wake up in the morning, now when i get the sun, i smile." no plans as of yet, but the excited tones of the people involved, who really believe its going down, lead me to new hope and that feels good... |
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Florida is a lock. We have to clear everything with alexis and her parents, they are def on board, we just need to finalize dates and times of flights. Delta seems to be so much cheaper than any other airline, is that cuz their planes explode on take-off? we're lookin at about 150 bucks each round trip airfare for like 4 or 5 days the week b4 christmas, and it really looks solid. the infamous math test in a few hours and im not sleeping, between the badly timed late nite stacker, talking to marc online and telling matt id quiz him on gcom when hes done studying and the florida excitement im not sleeping tonite. Im excited like its the night b4 christmas, ur first sexual encounter (like i'd know), or vacation to florida... |
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post postity post post math test was the disaster that i knew it would be, i didnt recognize anything on the test,i dont know why i woke up, i scribbled random numbers and drew pictures of dbz characters and some bald guy on my sheet. everyone else stapled 3 or 4 pages of loose leaf with their test i handed in one incoherent sheet. if i get a zero, i can at best end up with a 75 for the year, i dont know how or what switching a class to pass/fail for credit is but it doesnt go on ur GPA, even if thats offered its probly too late to switch that. Alexis and her mom happily OKed the travel plans and me and marc are set i will make sure david definitely wants me to buy his ticket under this plan and i'll probly pay for them tommorow. i'm very tired and a nap seems good but i have to shop for the 80's party and i really dont want to go walkin or riding the bus all over the place blind, i have no idea where i'm going. i really don't feel like dressing up anymore but i do NEED to drink til i forget im failing math...just think of florida and it will all be ok.... |
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| Thursday, September 26th, 2002 |
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i hate the internet at JMU, its rediculous.. that said...another good day it was pouring today, the retention basins outside my dorm, that are usually shallow and full of ducks were full to the brim, puddles everywhere a raging river flowing through normally dry ditches, a gorgeous day. the flat field in front of the dorm was prime for some mud football, but i would need some friends and a football, but i ahve to study anyway so no dice. I Get Wet Without Even Trying, and i love it. i walked to classes and was soaked but happy, some girl bounded down some steps unaware of a 6 inch puddle at the bottom while i was passing her, we both had a good laugh at her stupidity... i didnt wake up early enough to do the math lab before class at 2, yes 2. i shouldnt have left it for the morning but i was watching tv last nite and eating chips with my very high roomate. it seems half my floor was high last nite, which was very pleasant cuz everyone was very happy and funny on my many chip and bathroom runs. Greg told me that the lab isnt due to next week and they just talked about it in class for 15 minutes today, so i was given a 2nd chance, a sign of things turning around? me and matt watched DBZ and got dinner, we talked mostly about snow and he was amazed at how much we get in NJ and i was amazed at how easily school is cancelled in MD. i am trying to study all this math for tommorows test, but im listening to music too and the stacker i took to concentrate is only helping me dance, but thats cool too, this is a good beat... matt has a major gcom test tommorow, the same one i have next wed, so its a study night for both of us mike has told me of a party for sat night also so i have my weekend pretty much set, after this damn test i am gonna really need to forget i exist, so hammered it is... |
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| Wednesday, September 25th, 2002 |
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all those protein bars, which i really have acquired a taste for thanks david, are going right to my hair missed the bus for math today by seconds, damn i was soo close o well gcom, lunch with paul and another girl he knew. found my "Big Dipper" extra fat pencil, i love it, that and parker pens thats heaven if i had brought my pogo stick i bet with all my free time i'd be a pogo master, pogo-ing to class, planting off buidlings and moving buses and doing some crazy tricks i'd be the man considering the 80s party and what to wear? i love to dress up and usually find something simply stunning to wear to the ball, so lets hope my busy schedule allows time for the choosing of proper attire. i am attmepting to learn 3 chapters of math, 13 classes worth in 2 days, for the test on fri. We have 3 tests and they are 65% percent of my grade, yikes... this message brought to you by the lovely folks at adderol...gotta love it! military science was great, we learned how to run and dive behind trees, disarm and search a wounded enemy, crawl on our faces with an unloaded machine gun, and how to take out a fort guarded by enemies weilding supersoakers, using only water balloon grenades. we play paintball next week. my war buddy matt seems real cool, i let him die at the hands of the enemy, he tripped and i was out of ammo, NO Damn ME! shower and dinner with matt, we talked about all the old tv shows we used to love, study and do math lab for tommorow, labs are only 10% of the grade but im already on a zero for the last one... are u a highly motivated cadet? "huuuuoooopppp! motivated , damn motivated, oooo ahhh i wanna hurt somebody, oooo ahhh i wanna kill somebody. smoooooth" (all the ladies): "like butter" |
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| Tuesday, September 24th, 2002 |
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like lilo and nani from lilo and stitch, stick my head into a pillow and scream!!! this journal is therapeutic, i need to write to get my feelings out but when i sit in my room and do nothing i get braindead and have nothing to say this weekend i tried to avoid all human contact except matt, i wouldn't leave my bldg except for food, and i only left my room to go to the bathroom. stef scolari (i dunno how to spell it stef)[sclafani, i was way off!] feels the same way about a lot of stuff as me so thats really good to know and have someone to talk to k bake has the same feelings when it comes to girls and relationships as me and we are very similar which is also very good to hear all my friends are great they put up with my bitching about my sudden and uncharacteristic unhappiness and offer helpful advice that i am probably not going to follow i have a week of testing this week and i am really not doing well with school, im really afraid, as someone who doesnt care about anything, can be about my grades. elliots at home for the next few days having his tonsils out, so me and matt are hanging out more, eating and watching a lot of tv. i've been doing a lot of pushups and jumping rope with an invisible rope and eating protein bars which are really starting to taste good. |
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i had lunch with my gcom group at d-hall, that was pretty good, jon lives near me in chesapeake so we took the bus home together too i talked to nicole on the bus to classes and she invited me to a 80's theme party next fri. michele called and it was fantastic to hear her voice, she seems to love school and have lots of friends and im happy for her i think i did better than expected on my history test i got 6 posibly 10 more points on my business test so i didnt fail anymore i walked with angel for a awhile and then i saw a girl without legs, i wasnt sure if she was sitting on the rail or floating, she had a white shirt and a shoulder bag across her waist. i was staring at her and staring and as i got closer i saw she had legs and was standing but her pants were the same color as the factory behind her and she kept looking at me and looking away embarasedly as i stared at her and i just walked past her instead of yelling o my i thought u were afloat" which i probably should have. i was walking discussing this matter to myself as i passed a kid who was staring at me talking to myself and i stared at him and started laughing for no reason. i dunno it was funny and then i saw this kid greg on my hall whos in my math class i talked to him a few times he seems kinda quiet with people he doesnt kno, like me, i dunno i said hello and started walk with a new bounce in my step and jumping up stairs saying bounce bounce, i dunno i was happy for some reason, well thats my life take it or leave it |
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| Sunday, September 22nd, 2002 |
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i did nothing today i didnt go out last nite i didnt go out tonite but im beyond depressed about it, i dont care enough to be upset about anything i just stare at the tv, eat protein bars and fruit snacks, do some pushups and fuck the sleeve of my favorite jacket i just dont want to leave my room other than to pee because i dont wanna have any interaction with other human beings |
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| Friday, September 20th, 2002 |
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another good day: studying with Mardan History lecture Business test diner with matt and elliot somewhat unrelated socio commentary: if i were a girl i'd be afraid to be friendly. I don't know why when girls are friendly that automatically gives guys the right to think that they want the cock. I mean they probably do cuz who doesn't? "Be fair, EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride." So when girls are really nice i feel obligated to not hit on them despite how happy them seem to be with me. every guy here seems to be all about hookin up, and about how much sex they used to have at home, and what girls they are gonna lie to and play next. i like gettin ass but integrity gets in the way. i don't wanna be one of those assholes... a good metaphor, is if u've seen swingers...i like mikey, hes a sweet guy and really cool even though it takes him time to find his way with the ladies. The kids here hate Mikey, it pisses them off that he's not smooth with the ladies. his mess ups and awkwardness makes them sick. but as double down says "o mikey, respect my ass...you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, you don't think you know what you want?, they kno babey...u see the way they dress when they go out, they want you to notice, all your letting them kno is that its working. theres nothing wrong with letting them know that your money and you wanna party." |
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I was invited to a party to hang with mike and bewalder and nicole & the count asked me to smoke and go out with him...i probly wont do either just sit and rot Mike is trying to work with my introverted personality like matt used to and get me out to parties. but its charity, hes doing me a favor by inviting me and i'll just be tagging along. I appreciate it but i don't really need to party that badly, eventually things will work themselves out like they always have for me...or i will get a major wake up call and realize i'm not that special. i really dont feel like partying. sitting here gets boring but i think of going out as work. Its like i have to go find a place to go and then i talk to someone about bullshit just to pass the time. or if the party is too crowded and loud i dont talk to anyone and am just uncomfortable. Why should i force myself to do that? I like quiet small parties with good friends... i go out thinking this is gonna suck, usually by myself or with someone i am not really friends with or i dont wanna be associated with. the beginning sucks but thats what alcohol is for. i end up enjoying myself about half the time and often end on a bad note and go home thinking partying is dumb. the only reason to party is to avoid the emabarassment of people asking me what i did last nite. If i was a liar i could avoid the embarassment and tell them a fib and not have to party. if i wasnt a drinker i could find some other non drinkers to hang with but thats not what i want at all. at least not drinking and partying that much should help me get good grades and keep my body healthy...ahahaha or not...the drugs, junk food, laziness and sleeping habits will prevent anything good from coming from this whole experience. |
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| Thursday, September 19th, 2002 |
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I was included in a legacy today, I have inadvertantly contributed something to the world that someday could possibly live on. I often invited my friends back to my place. Who's House?...Dan's House.... i still want to someday make a movie that lives on in a cult following, that touches someone, anyone, even if its just one and it takes my whole life to accomplish.. thats why going to NYU in the summer to help students make their thesis films for free is a great idea but i bet i wont ever do it. i had a good day. talked to ppl in all my classes, got a package from home with some great stuff in it,led my MilitarySci class through the woods on our land navigation lab, convinced ppl in my hall to join the MSci, called Mardan from business to study for the test together tommmorrow, ate with and smoked with elliot and matt then we watched comedy central and Fargo. while we were in the woods smokin, we were near a factory, i dunno if its part of campus or not, someone told me it was a dog food factory, i asked them if that was a class or a co-op on how to make dogfood, but thats neither here nor there. anyway we could see ppl in the parking lot and we were only one row of trees and bushes from the parking lot but we were up a hill. we wondered if they could see us and after the 3rd bowl, a guy from below yelled "i'd come up there and join y'all fellers, but i'm in a hurry" we laughed so hard as we ran to a new locale. i dunno, i bet u didnt laugh but it was hilarious, trust me babey i'm a make it all right. houston texas or as i like to call it nazi germany. norm macdonald is the man, so is that bald guy from drew carey and the norm show, funny guy, and the drew carey show is arguably the most creative show on television, i'd argue that to death, and robin williams is perhaps the best talk show guest ever, no work for the host, hes everywhere and funny o god did u see what g w bush about iraq and the weapons controversy said o shit they showed it 3 times on the daily show he said and i quote: "theres an old tennesee proverb,..well i know they have it in texas, maybe its in tennesee too. Fool me once, shame...um shame on you. ... ... fool um can't get fooled again." holy shit that was the funniest single thing i ever saw sleep... i have a study date tommorow at 10:30 |
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| Tuesday, September 17th, 2002 |
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I am the Man! it feels great to finish my book and write a 4 page paper which i think was quite good. sure it took till 6am but now i can sleep till class at 3 However i may have ADD, i spent from 3 pm this afternoon trying to read and by midnight i only read 75 pages, i had already read 30 in the car during the road trip. I just couldnt concentrate cuz my interior monologue interrupted me every few pages and id read and remember nothing and have to re-read the same page ten times. this is how all schoolwork has been like since junior year. but in highschool i could just not read the books and still get by. Then i took a stacker 2, which is has similar effects to adderol, the drug for ADD, i went outside and found a lit area and i read 130 pages in 2 & a half hours. then i tried to sleep but wasnt tired and i was afraid that i wouldnt get up early enough to write a good paper before class. so at 4am i got up & i figured i'd write a little while it was fresh in my mind and by 6 i had a sweet paper. proud and beaming. time for sleep |
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| Monday, September 16th, 2002 |
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It took us a four and a half hours to get to Pitt. West Virginia is crazy along 522, ppl on their porches with shotguns, signs that say dont cut the flowers and relatively weird shit everywhere and baseball fields, thats the only way out of West VA on a full ride for baseball. Pitt was fun, a city school, we stayed in megans KKr soriority house illegally and were always on the look-out for Alice, the enforcer, the 60 year old "house mom" because if she found us it was curtains for sure. We partied at the club lacrosse house as guests of megan, the team whore, but all guys had to pay 5 bucks and megan payed for us but we're spoiled at JMU where parties are free. The principle of the thing pissed us off because they had 7 kegs but made over a thousand dollars, so angel pissed all over there bathroom and i peeed in there sportsillustrateds...teach them hahahah. anyway it was fun despite the fact early on only this kid jackson was being friendly and personable but thats what alchohol is for. we eventually met like 10 kids from our area of nj and some other cool ppl. i kept spilling my beers and mike was shaken by some girl who wanted him to call her and he lost a whole beer on himself. me and angel talked alot and i learned that he and i are almost identical Then me and mike and angel were starving so we wanted to leave the lax party and get food but megan was puking on some kids foot so she said to go without her and we roamed the streets of pittsburgh drunk and lost and white...but we eventually found "The O" and i ate a very large 12" cheessteak with evrything on it, an order of fries and the O is known for ridiculously large portions of fries and 3 hot dogs,one i ordered with slaw which i thought meant sauerkraut cuz i was drunk but it was cole slaw, whaaat? i never heard of that. We met some kids who were visiting and lost also, and they are both movie stars, one was michael bolton from office space and the other was real smiley with sideburns but i couldnt put my tongue on where i'd seen him before. anyway so i used my phone and called their friend and talked to him for awhile and they were reunited. Then we went to L Deans, galuzzos old roomate, but she wasnt answering the phone and u need to be signed in with id, so angel and mike ran into the elevator and tried to sneak in and angel succeeded but mike almost got arrested but the cop was nice and we saw micheal bolton and company again, and i was framed for throwin a water balloon, i was just curious what that splash sound was and i went to check it out and the kid thought i threw it so i went along with it and said it was me. |
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after running up and down stairs, hiding in rooms and creeping and crawling to avoid Alice we left the KKr house and Pitt. it took an hour and forty five minutes to get to Edinboro from Pittsburgh. We couldnt find matt cuz I kept calling the wrong number and it was busy and mike thought matt lived in Schafer dorm so we walked around asking everyone if they knew matt keown or benjamin moore, eventually we realized i had the wrong number and mike had the wrong building and matt was in Scranton dorm We hung out in matts room and altered 2 of Angels ID's with matts art supplies. Angel went and got beer but he couldnt get much cuz depsite the alterations the ID still said Under 21 on it, so it just looked out of date and the beer destributor wouldnt sell without a current ID and the bar wouldnt sell more than 2 six packs at a time. so we only had 12 beers for 5 kids. Then matts friend, andy bought us three 30's and went to his apartment. Matts friends were all really cool and Brian and Shaggy are amazing break dancers which was very entertaining to watch. Everyone was very nice and personable and the party was large enough to meet lots of cool people but small enough to be comfortable in 2 apartments one up and one downstairs. They played matts first cd at the party which i thought was hilarious. "The Lack of Shaggy" was coined to express when a girl likes u when ur not around but doesnt when u are. I tried to pretend i was english, to be a totally differnt persona in a differnt place because angel told me to try it, but me and like 10 other kids were too trashed and we tried and couldnt get the accent down, came out australian, irish or pikey. We met some awesome people but 2 bitchy girls who didn't like me and angels faces or the smell we emit or something cuz they were whores for no reason at all unless as i think matt said they were ovulating, who knows? Benjamin Moore/Sherwin Williams/dick blick/manute (as in manute bol ,cuz hes so tall) is awesome and loves sex and has a double funnel (he calls it a bong) called the olsen twins. we met some cool peopl from our area of NJ. Everyone all calls matt deuce cuz hes a 2 beer queer and virgin matt but he seems to have a really cool group of nice friends. me matt angel and mike ordered the best pizza ever and wings and o godd they were good, angel fell asleep in the crouch position after puking a few times and wasnt up for pizza. they tipped the pizza man 4 bucks and a beer, and we jokingly said hey make sure u drink that while u drive, and as he pulled away he chugged a half full beer and said i gotta finish the one i already have first me and matt ate the wings and threw the bones shouting fire in the hole, and then played gta3 with the star of the game, tony, who also stars in max payne and dead to rights. angel lost his wallet, phone and glasses and the memory of the evening and eventually found the first 3. On the way home we took a more direct route home via route 33, which takes you over, up, down, around, along, next to, on, and everywhere in the appalacian mountains in West VA. This road had thousands of frogs crossing it, it was dark, rainy, foggy, full of either speeding or slow moving tanker trucks, deer were crossing, possums were crossing, it had 10% drops and rises for miles in a row, the speed limit was 55 and the locals were inclined to do 70 or more at all times, and we were almost dying at 55 and below. the advised speed for most turns was 50 to 40 and 90 degree turns and 360 u turns along cliff edges were posted at 30, and we had to to under 20 to avoid death. The visibillity ahead was 25 feet at most and any ppl coming in the opposite way blinded u with high beams making the road dissapear. It was the most dangerous road ever, something out of a video game on hard mode and at night in the rain and through fog dense enough to show a movie on, with no moon or lights at all, because there was nothing out there, nothing. it was crazy dangerous. i made more friends in the two days in Pitt and Edinboro than i have in 3 weeks here at JMU so far, sure i was drunk the whole time and was among friends and was therefore comfortable and was actually out not asleep in my dorm... matt and benjamin moore and brian may come down to JMU next weekend and maybe even leah and/or shaggy and/or andy |
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I had a good weekend but i came back to find that pesky laziness, loneliness and mounds of school work and laundry and garbage and recycling sitting here waiting for me at JMU. I knew i had to read a 234 page book on James Madison and write a 3-4 page paper on him for 3 oclock on Tues and i had hw in history but i needed to go on the road trip and enjoy some Food, Folks and Fun. i really needed it. Today was Yom Kippur and i declared my Jewishnicity and cancelled my own classes which made removed some of the hw and gave me more time to work on this book. I have been reading on and off since 3 and i only got about 100 pages done because i can't quiet my interior monologue for more than 10 pages at a time. I plan on finishing the book tonite, at all costs, and writing tommorow, but i have 130 pages left at the time of this posting so who knows how long i'll be up. wish me luck |
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| Friday, September 13th, 2002 |
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Matt came in last nite and was mad he had to leave the party at 3 and likewise leave a girl who wanted him to stay cuz he had a 8 oclock class, the things he does for class. But he was very pissed for having to leave and he bitched out some girl on the phone, fell over a lot and ripped the soap dispenser off the wall in the bathroom and threw it in the shower, ahahhaha ...i was half laughing, half scared We got let out of GCOM early cuz we were talking and not listening to the teacher, she said she didn't feel the connection that her communication was being received, ahahahha leave it to the communication teacher. Ate with neuman and paul at "lets go" the make your own taco shop, good shit, speaking of shit.... I got a package from Uncle Randy and Aunt Caroline, very nice of them, but it was damaged in shipping and the doritos and cookies they sent were crumbled and opened and when i opened the box, shards of doritos attacked me and fell all around me willy nilly and devil may care I'm goin to Pitt with Angel and Mike soon to visit gayloser and then we're off to Edinboro to see matt, so my roomie will have the place to himself maybe he'll get that girl and won't be so inclined to break things |
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| Thursday, September 12th, 2002 |
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I dont't think lacrosse was the answer, practice was very easy but whats the point, i won't be playing in games, and im not sure i'd even want to travel. it didn't help that i ripped the pocket of my warp in line drills, and neglected to bring my warrior stick. I borrowed some kids back-up and he warned me it had no whip to it, but it had the shallowest pocket i've seen. No whip? it was a girl's stick. most of the kids know each other and are having fun but i realized, as i always do, when i actually play, that i'm not good and i dont wanna work to get better. I mean i was a mediocre player in highschool on a team that never won that many games and i took some years off and i'm rusty and why am i trying to fake it with guys who are good I came back to the dorm and heard loud music in my room and the faint smell of liquor, i went inside and elliot and matt were staring at the computer and i saw an empty gallon bottle of bacardi, and some of my shot glasses. I went about my business and it took them 2 solid minutes to realize i was there, they looked over and jumped and mumbled something about me appearing out of thin air. they asked about practice and we talked a little despite they were pretty incoherent. then they danced around and attempted to throw a lax ball around and then started bare knuckle boxing as i just laughed alot. they went out somewhere and im eating some chips and attempting to restring my stick even though im not sure i'll be playing any more club lax However, not that it means anything, only 50% of what i ever say comes true or makes sense, but walking home i started to feel like this is my home and this is where my friends live, i dunno whatever that means Contradictory to the previous, i put on my old Pushmonkey CD and i feel like im in my room in the apartment and its cold outside, its a great feeling... |
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It feels good to go to class and have all my ducks in a row. My math lab was 15 minutes today, instead of the afore advertised hour and 15 minutes that it claims on my schedule. Everyone in the class who i just met today seems to think we will have do the lab at home and have short question and answer labs every week. sounds promising. Rode the bus to get around today only walked one way out of the four or so. Found out in History that next tuesday we have to have read a 284 page book about Jimmy Madison and hand in a paper no more than 5 pages, so would half a page work, its under 5? And my first test in business is thurs but we really havent done anything worth testing in the class, i probably should buy the book and see if it has anything to study in it? I probably wont go out tonite, Thursday "big party nite", so i can get up for math tomorrow at 815. An i really should read, and pack a few neccessities for the Pitt/Edinboro trip with Angel and Mike that leaves after my last class tomorrow. Also i should clean up a little cuz Matt is having some friends visit and they may stay in the room, i should get the mounds of dirty underwear in the closet or under the bed or something, just common courtesy. |
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| Wednesday, September 11th, 2002 |
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College up to this point has been a dissapointment, i mean it has its good points and its bad points but when your name is tracy....i have done some partying but its over-rated without good friends to share the fun with. I have done a lot of sleeping and spending time in my dorm room. i kinda reverted back to the old, old lazy me, freshman year of highschool when i stayed in a lot and wasn't really happy but it was easier just to stay in. The only difference is in highschool even if i didnt wanna go out, i still had ppl banging on my door to go somewhere. But this negativity ends right now. I was being bitchy and and feeling sorry for myself and then Pitch told me that i could still get in on the lacrosse team, and that kind of struck somethin in me, the way the idealized thought of lacrosse always had. When i'm planning on playing and enjoying the upcoming season i tell myself how its gonna be, how i'm gonna change myself for the better but i never follow through. This time its different, if i didnt follow through in the past i always had my coushy fun life full of friends banging on my door to go out, so why change? I don't have that luxury anymore. I NEED to get out and be active. AND I WILL. Tommorrow, or technically today (coincidentally 9/11) i will change things to the way they should be. I'm gonna exercise and go to lax practice, i'm going to go to every class and on time, i'm going to meet new people and remember their names and make new friends. I am going to be out and be active as much as possible instead of rotting in my room. |
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I am a LIAR. Life has always been in patterns for me, and i can realize that but for some reason i am helpless to change it. Once again my attempts to fix what I saw as problems with my life have been in vain. I slept all day today. Last nite I was very adament about going to class and being active all day, but when i'm tired it's very easy to rationalize the reasons why i dont have to anything except go back to bed. I hate myself but at the same time i have to laugh cuz i did it again, just the same as it ever was. However i do still plan on goign to lax tonight cuz i told pitch i would be there. ahahhah we shall see. "i woke up this afternoon, ate my fruity pebbbles and said It's a Great Day for Lacrosse, Boys!" |
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or 
awake.
blank.
excited.
high.
hopeful.
tired.
calm.
frustrated.
nostalgic.
giggly.
