Wednesday, December 24th, 2003

Subject: The Bible According to Farrelly, with Seinfeld connections Time: 4:48 am. Music: death cab.

I was at my friend david's house and I asked my friend Joey what he was doing later tonight..and he said lets see a movie, i want to see Stuck On You, the new Farrelly Brother's film, and I said ok, i'll see that, im gonna go eat dinner, call me when you are going. A few hours later, while chomping on a microwaveable corndog, their was no dinner at home after all, I recieved a call from Joey...Stuck On You at 8:10, its 7:50 now, I better finish that corndog and get moving... Another call rings through on my drive to the theatre, a trip that was slowly delayed by an accident, one of the participants of which i think was big Al Santos, don't quote me, but im pretty sure he was being questioned by cops....The second call was from David at the theatre, the bustle of people in the background, he inquires where I was, and i told him I was 2 minutes away, in fact it turns out i was only about 1 minute away, but i wasn't aware that I would hit the lights in stride....He said that they were going in, that they would save a seat, and that they'd you know, look for me, and hoot and holler, so i'd find them...[sidenote: i knew that they would neither hoot nor holler and doubted that I would find them, should I arrive after the house lights were turned down]. I was correct in my assumption. I arrived during the first preview, just as the attendent closed the door and lights had gone off...I walked around the theater looking for my friends but no familiar silhouettes met my eyes...I stood in the back of the theatre leaning up a against the wall, missing all the good previews, squinting in the darkness, noncahalantly, as not to cause a george costanza-esque scene, waiting for when the actors on screen were wearing white or staring at the sun or in a blizzard so that the screen would get bright enough for me to scan the crowd... well, i obviously couldnt find them, so when the movie started i took a seat by myself, ive sat by myself before, surely i'll find them after the movie and we'll all have a nice throaty chuckle and then hold hands and dance...the movie ended and they most definitely were not in the theatre, so i saw Gary Smith and friends and while talking about the movie, explained and that i had misplaced my friends, so as to not look like that guy who goes to the movies alone...which i dont know why it is so embarrassing to be, but it is. Well all that was preface to the real point of this update, my take on Stuck On You and the Farrelly Brothers. I really don't like review posts, not to bash those who do them and do them quite well, but thats why chances are this will be more of a ramble than a review a la normal danwho style... well i dont know where im going with this... Anyway, I went into the movie having seen the commercials, with a mixed feeling. There was a point in my life when I would have believed the Farrelly Brothers infallible, gods among men, but that time has passed. I guess i better explain, and to best do this, we are going to start at the beginning.... The Farrelly story begins when they wrote "The Virgin" episode of Seinfeld in 1990...a little buzz on their writing chops was created, they bang out a screwball comedy screenplay for the ages, catch a break, cast an up and coming comedy genius by the name of Carey, and contract a dramatic actor looking to show his comedic range, named Daniels...and one of the all-time greatest dumb humor comedies is born circa 1994 in Dumb & Dumber . Nineteen Ninety-Six brought Kingpin, not the outstanding masterpiece that was D & D, but overall an underrated comedy, can't fault the Bros for hitting a small lull after such a huge running start...Bill Murray was great, Woody Harrelson was ok, but what can you really expect with Dennis Quaid's less talented older brother, Randy as the star, I mean Randy was in Caddyshack 2 for chrissakes...no matter how many other things he has done, even if he wins an oscar, he will have always done Caddyshack 2, that goes equal for you too Dan Akroyd and Jonathan Silverman... Two more years and Something about Mary exploded into box offices by shocking and aweing audiences into fits of laughter. The dumb humor comedy was back and now was more than a mainstream big hit. It made Cameron Diaz and Ben Stiller household names... It made Splooge in hair a pop-culutre phenomenon. Included is one of the best cameos ever, by Brett Favre, and i don't get excited by cameos. Alright so these two are infallible. They make a few damn fine films, and I'm sure they are just chock to the brim full of more great ideas...right? Then they wrote and produced Outside Providence, which put me to sleep, but hey no problem, they didnt direct, not their fault that Shawn Hatosy and Alec Baldwin couldnt save that picture, if the director's vision wasnt what the Farrellys had in mind when they wrote it, even thought they did produce it, its not like they had no input...ok calm down...next. The Brothers' Farrelly returned to writing, producing and directing by calling up an old buddy named Jim, asking him to almost recreate his "In Living Color" fire marshall character, for the out of control persona in the multiple personality film Me, Myself and Irene. Well guys, Let Me Show YOU Something! this is about the time when the numbness set in....I mean some people liked this film, I was not one of those people. I went in with such high hopes that it was ruined for me. It's a good idea, but I felt it was trying a little too hard to recreate the aura of the previous films....and except for a few funny scenes, which i can't even recall now, but im sure were there, i wasnt very excited to pay attention and wasnt really laughing... Im not going to bother with the producing of Say It Isn't So, but Chris Klein, really? softly spoken deep voiced overacting? come on now... Next is Osmosis Jones, which for it's goal, is very underrated. Its by no means a dumb humor Farrelly classic, but this animated/live action movie about the body's immune system is funny in a kids movie sort of way and educational to boot. Peter and Bobby produced and directed it, but did not write it. Starring Bill Murray, who is always terriffic even in crap like Larger Than Life (the one about the elephant), and the voices of Chris Rock, Lawrence Fishburne and David Hyde Pierce. Shallow Hal, o shallow hal, When i saw that Jack Black was in a Farrelly Brother's movie, i was off the walls excited, this is the one, this is where they cement their genious, and no one can ever question if they just struck gold twice and are done. A good idea, a great concept, gwyneth paltrow in a fat suit, jack black is superficial, Jason Alexander is the closest thing to George that he's been in a long time...remember that bob patterson sitcom, crap... The Hal character, not funny, nothing was funny about him, he was acting the straight man half the film, the Zeppo Marx of this picture. Jack Black has too much talent to be wasted like that. Costanza, was well just that, again not Costanza and it just comes off as insulting, we know him too well as George and won't be tricked into believing him in another role...it sucks that he must be typecast, and I sure hope he doesnt ruin the upcoming Tony Kornheiser sitcom...I was really let down by Shallow Hal. It was another cheesy comedy, and the cinematic landscape is already awash in the same crap, without the Farrelly bros contributing, no less no longer saving us once in a while by providing a gross out laugh, or moron on screen that we can feel smarter than. They wrote Dumb and Dumberer, but had nothing to do with its production or direction, now i havent seen it, but i wasnt in any rush to...I bet when they couldn't get Jim Carey or Jeff Daniels back they washed their hands of the project and moved on, but the money hungry savages in the studio said we've got the script, lets recast younger and not waste a possible chance to make a buck...thats just my opinion and it seems familiar, so either i've heard that somewhere or i'm so sure in my logic that it seems like it must have happened. Wow thats a long update without even getting to my take on the current film, that i claimed i was going to review....Well I was at the point before seeing this film, that the Farrelly's were not infallible, that they werent getting me excited anymore, but that they were still worth seeing. With low expectations but just a glimmer of hopeful anticipation i went to see Stuck On You. I will say that I liked it, I will say that...but only because i went in with exceptionally low expectations...but i wont say that i laughed out loud, I won't say that...I also won't say that I think the Farrelly's are hysterical geniouses either. Bobby and Peter are comedy makers...They are not uniquely original, or nonstop laugh funny...At least not anymore....This movie is chock full of cameos, one of the greater evils of filmmaking in my eyes. Or big stars in insultingly small roles, kinda like extended cameos, or professional favors...As a kid, i liked cameos, oooh thats exciting, look kids, there's Dolphins Running Back, Ricky Williams! Until i realized how trite and hackneyed they are. The story-point contrast and strong through line are professional, the cameos show the success and connections these two industry veterans have created. But what sets it apart from the crowd? If you are expecting to be rolling on the floor laughing, Dont'. The Farrellys are tapped. I have also noticed that a lot of the secondary characters and extras are of the physically handicapped persuasion, and this has been a theme in several other of their films, and I think that it's probably more of a stand-up move on their part, probably being friends with some special people, and breaking barriers by putting their friends and aquaintances in their movies is a good thing. However, i think some people find this comical...When it IS meant to be funny, in that the lines they say are funny, but it shouldnt be funny at the physcially challenged person's expense. Not that i'm that concerned with making fun of retarded people, it doesn't especially bother me, but I am especially concerned when people misread a joke...What i'm saying is i think that even though it is an irrverent comedy, and most everything is at the mercy of the punchline, i don't think they are casting the disabled as a joke, and it makes me uncomfortable when people laugh before the actor says his line, just because he is drooling a bit. Stuck On You is once again a good idea, a funny concept...twins conjoined! living their lives! playing sports! rediculous! but the jokes get old and fast...It was only mildly humorous when the movie cuts to a clip of the pair playing hockey, and when they play football it was pushing the limits, but now baseball...ok but that better be the last one...GOLF! come on, no no wait hang on..TENNIS! damnit that joke is neither predictable or annoying good job guys. And the trailers really do rip most of the funnier moments right out of the film. Well it wasn't a bad movie, as far as subpar comedies go. Going in I said that if this movie failed the test, that I would no longer look forward to the next Farrelly Brother's film any more than the new John Woo action crap movie...but I found out their next project in early production is The Three Stooges, damn those guys, I am legally obligated to look forward to that...they always have good ideas to build up the hype, so it will never matter if the movies aren't as good as some of their best work, as long as the asses are in the seats...and asses are in the seats...its a sick world we live in. I had planned to do that so much better, concise and clever, but it came out verbose and rambling.

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