Friday, September 26th, 2003

One Liner: state by state with the state Time of Death: 6:11 pm.

inspired by Ryan Perry at gorillamask.net's recent emo post, i decided to put the following up...that with the fact i have nothing halfway decent in my brain right now first of all this is stolen material...I, in no way claim this following post as my own, i am not nearly as clever as the authors...This selection is from page 138 in State by State with The State: an uninformed, poorly researched guide to the united states, which is one of the best books ever written, and as it is the brainchild of the members of The State comedy troupe, i am in love with it. Secondly, you might say, danwho you are a loser, which hurts my feelings but is justified, because i only posted this because of ryan perry, and yes thats true but heres why i dont care: this is funny; this is not my material; i have been thinking of ways to work these lines into away messages and profiles for some time, so its been on my mind; i feel it compliments gorillamask's emo post; and most of all, im not in the same ballpark or fucking league as gorillamask, so why are you even comparing us, hes a genious with half a million hits and im a slob with handful of friends; and finally, you are a jerkofface so who cares what u think (im sorry, apologize wholeheartedly). Here we go: Punk Rockers And You No trip to any big city is complete without paying a visit to the bleak, jaded children of its suburbs- the "punk rockers." You'll find them hanging around any dimly lit place that sells cigarettes, and once they get to know you, they will hang out with you forever- at least until something to do comes along that's not total bullshit. Depite their vibrant plumage, most punk rockers are timid, very, very, angry creatures, and when approaching them you should remember a few simple DOs and DONTs: DO: Fall on your face and pretend you're out cold for a few minutes, then spring up and yell, "Fuck Off!" before you approach them. This will put them at ease. DON'T: Say "hello" right away. Stand among them silently, looking around nervously for a few minutes first. This will further convince them you're one of their own. DO: Bring Budweiser. DON'T: Wear your new Budweiser T-shirt (unless you're clearly wearing it ironically). DON'T: Give one shit about what people think of your looks. DO: Use Manic Panic hair dye (available in all cities that aren't total bullshit) and spike it. (Mix egg white, sugar, and a little shaving cream in a bowl for ten minutes. Brush onto damp hair and hold in the desired position until the mixture dries. Sometimes it doesn't work and you have to start over from scratch.) DON'T: Thank your parents for the $1,000 birthday present they gave you. DO: Cry geniune tears of joy when your best friend gives you a car part he stole and painted blue. Keep it forever. DON'T: Get caught brushing. DO: Assume any punk rock you don't know is bullshit.

Comments: LJ Comments.